I go where the "in" crowd goes, then I go home and blog about it.

October 15th, 2009 / #girls, #observations

Oh, indie girls. How I long for your tender embrace. I don’t know what it is, but I have been increasingly attracted to quirky girls who like trendy music and don’t agree with me politically.

Last night, for example, Ian and I went to eat at The Top in Gainesville. It’s the kind of place that, when ordering, the server is sure to let you know that their food is all natural and animal friendly. I personally don’t understand how you can be friendly with an animal if you’re eating it, but God knows that hasn’t stopped me yet.

Anyway, throughout the restaurant are multitudes of super skinny chicks with super short hair, super tacky clothes, and a super ability to make me angry that I’m not clued into the “in” crowd like they are.

Maybe it’s because the hipster chic runs rampant throughout Gainesville and I’ve come to accept the fact that during a zombie apocalypse, one such lady might see it necessary to procreate with me. Maybe it’s because I’m a political science major and these types are always to my right and left (mostly my left). Hell, maybe it’s because I’m secretly a hardcore vegan who wants to wear chucks and ride my bike everywhere for the sake of the environment.

But don’t count on that last one, I like meat and air conditioning too much.

I can mumble and be cute… why won't Ellen Page do it with me?

November 1st, 2008 / #girls, #movies, #observations

Tonight, Ian and I went on a man-date to the movies to see Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist. And, following an hour of a lifestyle I cannot possibly relate to, I have come to a conclusion. I think it’s funny how Michael Cera plays the exact same character in everything he has ever done.

Arrested Development? Awkwardly charming teenager.
Superbad? Awkwardly charming teenager.
Juno? Awkwardly charming teenager.
Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist? Awkwardly charming teenager.

This is by no means a complaint. I find his films to be quite heartwarming. Plus, he is obviously doing something correctly. I mean, if it works for him, dude should rock the weirdness until his penis falls off from boning the legions of tiny girls who adore the feeling of “AWWWWW” that overcomes them every time they see him avoid eye contact and stutter strangely when making a point.

I just wish I could pull it off, too.

On second thought…

February 18th, 2008 / #college, #girls, #work

Recently, I decided to make an effort to stop my mother’s constant suggestions that I become a member of the working class, so I got a job in the College of Journalism here on campus. The job is really pretty awesome. I get to work with the Florida Scholastic Press Association, which was a constant entity throughout my years of high school journalism. Every day, I’m emailing or calling the very advisers and board members that made the organization work when I was a part of it. I’m now part of that core that makes it work, and that can get to be such a trip.

Bonus nerdy points for the fact that they have a blog and a podcast, even if they aren’t updated too much.

But the point I wanted to make here today wasn’t about my newfound calling. No, it’s about the college in which the office is housed. Since I’m a Political Science major, I never really got involved in the journalism school. Although I feel like they’re all giving me the stink eye when I walk through their hallowed halls, I know they’re not really eying me like that.

But I’m eying them. Friends, the College of Journalism on the campus of the University of Florida is the building with the most pretty girls I have ever seen in my life, save for sorority houses and this quaint little café in Micanopy. I think it’s because of the type of field journalism is: it allows you to be in contact with people while at the same time maintaining some academic credibility. All of the ugly girls go to engineering school. All the opinionated, pierced, and tattooed girls major in Political Science or some other soft science. But in the College of Journalism, you get the best mix of brains, beauty, perk, and poise that the university has to offer.

Uh oh, you guys. I think I picked the wrong major…

How to save the world in about 23 seconds

February 8th, 2008 / #complaints, #girls, #politics

Lately, the talk of global warming has enveloped our dear society into an intense struggle between people who think the world is going to end because I drive a car and people who know for sure that our recent climate change is a mere cyclical happenstance.

Well, I prefer not to take sides in this debate, so I offer the topic of an actual conversation I had with a female petition pusher with a boy haircut I had on campus today.

While I concede that global warming could indeed be a possibility, I maintain that I don’t really care, at least for the time being, and I offer the following as my reasoning.

The state of Florida, if global warming is a real threat, won’t be underwater for some time. At least, not in my lifetime. And they keep telling me to care about the fact that the environment is going to Hell in a hand basket and that I should take preventative steps to reduce its effect for my children’s’ sake.

Well, if that’s the case, I’ll have to have children, right?

If that is the case, I will have to, at some point in my existence on this big round ball, plant my seed inside a woman. Ergo, I will have to find somewhere a female who will allow me the privilege of breaching her floppy V.

So, if and when a woman decides it necessary to make love to me, I will begin caring about global warming for the sake of my little sideburned flagellate friends.

The moral of this story: girls, if you really care about the environment, you will have lots of hardcore sex with me. Do it for me. Do it for the environment. But most of all, do it for the children.

Rock on!

January 12th, 2008 / #girls, #music

Well, in my never-ending search for ways to make women swoon (for those of you keeping score at home, none of my previous attempts have yielded success), I’ve decided to take a more conventional route.

If you’ll recall, I tried learning the mandolin. I learned a few chords and things, but this attempt for love was born in futility. I guess chicks don’t dig an instrument that I play only because it’s small and I have tiny hands. And I guess, at least subconsciously, they know what tiny hands mean and they flock to the nearest regular-sized guy.

Then, I tried lifting weights. It worked out for a while, but then I went home for Christmas and didn’t take home my miracles of muscle making. And man, that stuff is heavy. It didn’t really act as a chick magnet either, though. I assume this is the case because notwithstanding my somewhat increased arm size, I remained short. Chicks dig tall guys.

Well, I am trying again. This time, however, I’m doing it the right way: I’m learning to play the guitar. I’m getting kind of good at it too, even with my gnomelike hands. This has got to be the clincher that makes the women of the world show up at my doorstep in herds wanting to be my bride, right?

So, tell your friends that their wildest dreams can soon come true: I can serenade girls until they fall madly in love with me.

At least after I learn more chords than A, C, D, E, F, and G.

I’m scared to buy any more in vain

November 24th, 2007 / #advice, #girls

Well, I made it. I’m no longer a teenager. It’s nice and all, but let me tell you a little story.

In my junior year of high school, for some reason my good Asian friend Ying Lo brought me a paper bag with two condoms in it from some free condom venture or something. I (naturally) took one out of its wrapper to check out what they were like, seeing that I was such a social failure and all, and I put the other in my wallet.

Well, condom number two expires in December. So, uh, I’d best get cracking on that, eh?

So, if you have a vagina and I have any contact with you, I would suggest being extra vaginally vigilant when you’re around me for the next month; I’m going to be coming onto you like a fat chick at a wedding reception.

Bow Chicka Wah Wah!

August 31st, 2007 / #complaints, #girls, #letters

Dear Axe Bodyspray,

Hello. My name is Casey Peterson and I have been using your product ever since 2002, when Axe was introduced to the U.S. During the entirety of this time, advertisements and descriptions on each container I purchased referring to the “Axe Effect” have led me to believe that at some juncture during this time, I would have sexual intercourse with a woman as a result of using your product. Unfortunately, this has not happened thus far. Therefore, I demand that you send a woman to my home in Gainesville immediately for the act of lovemaking. If you fail to comply, I’m afraid I will have to summon legal counsel and we will be forced to settle this matter in court.

Casey A. Peterson

The New Jan Brady!

April 22nd, 2007 / #college, #girls, #random

For lack of one solid, lengthy, and coherent idea, here’s a bunch of little things:

  • For some reason, the Web site was acting up for about a month. I kept putting it off and putting it off, but I decided to fix it. Hooray for WordPress themes and the spare time to play around with the code therein.
  • I gave a homeless man playing the accordion a dollar today outside of the grocery store. I usually don’t do that kind of thing, but Dude has no eyes. So, me being the double-eyeball-having kind of guy I am, I felt guilty. On second thought, though, I could have just taken all the money from his jar. Dude has no eyes.
  • Final exams are few and far between. This is nice, but it is also kind of inconvenient, since I’m sitting here like a lump for days at a time while I wait for the next test to start.
  • I tried to learn the mandolin. Apart from a few songs and chords, that endeavor is playing second fiddle to my new passion: weightlifting. I originally thought that playing the mandolin would attract girls. Now, they tell me it’s lifting weights. I’m just waiting for that to go out of style and make way for a new pastime. Sort of like the blessed transition from baseball cards to Pogs. (By the way, I know I am very weak. I can curl 40 whole pounds!)
  • I gave up drinking soda, and am proud to say that as of today, it’s been four glorious, decaffeinated weeks. I am dying to have an orange soda.
  • So, there you have it. If you find any navigational problems with the new layout, shoot me an email.

    Four Strings of Pure Sex

    March 5th, 2007 / #girls, #music

    It took me 19 years to come to terms with the fact that I have small hands; hands so small, in fact, that I can’t really aspire to become a world class guitarist to make girls like me. So, I’m making the best of the unpleasantness of my outrageously tiny hands and learning to play the mandolin. It’s like a guitar, only smaller and with four strings.

    So, I guess that would be attractive to some girls, right? Maybe little midget women or something.

    Late Night Daydreaming

    July 14th, 2006 / #dreams, #girls, #television

    Having the nasty habit of staying up late at night because it’s summer, I also have the opportunity to expand my normal television horizons. No longer boxed into the quasi late night shows of Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim Lineup, I can channel surf to my heart’s content.

    Ladies and Gentlemen, I am in love with Game Show Network’s Playmania, which is an interactive game show. Is it because of the fun opportunities to play along? No. Is it because during the commercials, I’m exposed to the dreamy voice of TV’s own Chuck Woolery? Kind of, but no. It’s because of the hostess. I am in love with Shandi Finnessey.

    Who knew that winning Miss America could afford a person the chance to be a game show hostess on a basic cable TV network? And here I thought they would go on to use their newfound fame to, you know, help save the world and kiss little babies. Well, either way, I’m glad that I can spend my time at 2:30 AM watching this lovely young lady.

    • Who I Am

      I'm a nobody from Florida with things to say (sometimes).

    • What This Is

      This is a not-so-detailed account of my adolescence over the course of almost a decade. Here, I shared my thoughts about things of no real consequence while at the same time being reckless with semicolons and flowery language.

      I used this website to connect with folks before Facebook. Today, I sometimes chronicle interesting thoughts and observations I have. I don't update as much as I should.

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