Rock on!

Well, in my never-ending search for ways to make women swoon (for those of you keeping score at home, none of my previous attempts have yielded success), I’ve decided to take a more conventional route.

If you’ll recall, I tried learning the mandolin. I learned a few chords and things, but this attempt for love was born in futility. I guess chicks don’t dig an instrument that I play only because it’s small and I have tiny hands. And I guess, at least subconsciously, they know what tiny hands mean and they flock to the nearest regular-sized guy.

Then, I tried lifting weights. It worked out for a while, but then I went home for Christmas and didn’t take home my miracles of muscle making. And man, that stuff is heavy. It didn’t really act as a chick magnet either, though. I assume this is the case because notwithstanding my somewhat increased arm size, I remained short. Chicks dig tall guys.

Well, I am trying again. This time, however, I’m doing it the right way: I’m learning to play the guitar. I’m getting kind of good at it too, even with my gnomelike hands. This has got to be the clincher that makes the women of the world show up at my doorstep in herds wanting to be my bride, right?

So, tell your friends that their wildest dreams can soon come true: I can serenade girls until they fall madly in love with me.

At least after I learn more chords than A, C, D, E, F, and G.

comments (6)