I took me about 50 times longer to make this recreation than it did to make the real thing

I got bored:

Comments Off

Well, I didn't know I was going to take out a second mortgage…

Dear Civil War Professor,

Seriously, dude. What gives? We have to buy not one, not two, but eight books for your class. I know that your newfound gig at a major university is exciting and all, but you should remember that we get just over $200 to buy textbooks. So far, I’ve gotten six of the required texts for your class. You know how much I paid? One hundred and sixty bucks.

I know that may seem like chump change to you, pal, but that’s a good amount of green here on the up-and-coming college student’s budget. And what gets me is the fact that most of the assigned readings I was forced to pick up at Goering’s are really, really old. Like, out of copyright old. Meaning, of course, that I could access these stupid things on the Internet and save my cash for more important things, like Hot Pockets and Tang.

Angrily yours,
Casey

Comments Off

Rock on!

Well, in my never-ending search for ways to make women swoon (for those of you keeping score at home, none of my previous attempts have yielded success), I’ve decided to take a more conventional route.

If you’ll recall, I tried learning the mandolin. I learned a few chords and things, but this attempt for love was born in futility. I guess chicks don’t dig an instrument that I play only because it’s small and I have tiny hands. And I guess, at least subconsciously, they know what tiny hands mean and they flock to the nearest regular-sized guy.

Then, I tried lifting weights. It worked out for a while, but then I went home for Christmas and didn’t take home my miracles of muscle making. And man, that stuff is heavy. It didn’t really act as a chick magnet either, though. I assume this is the case because notwithstanding my somewhat increased arm size, I remained short. Chicks dig tall guys.

Well, I am trying again. This time, however, I’m doing it the right way: I’m learning to play the guitar. I’m getting kind of good at it too, even with my gnomelike hands. This has got to be the clincher that makes the women of the world show up at my doorstep in herds wanting to be my bride, right?

So, tell your friends that their wildest dreams can soon come true: I can serenade girls until they fall madly in love with me.

At least after I learn more chords than A, C, D, E, F, and G.

comments (6)

Digg this!

I’m never one for boasting or bragging, but I would like to thank the Academy for my being published as a national article on the front page of College Humor.

comment (1)

Ohio State And The Little Schedule That Couldn't

COLUMBUS, OHIO – Today, after the Buckeye’s second national championship loss in as many years, Ohio State athletic director Gene Smith released a schedule the likes of which the Buckeye faithful have never before seen.

“You know, I thought we had it pretty tough having to play Kent State and Akron this year, but this is just ridiculous. How do they expect us to even compete with Cuyahoga or Cincinnati Hills? This is probably just some ploy to get some extra money so coach Tressel can buy some more sweater vests,” said Buckeye booster and now hardly employed Heisman winner Troy Smith. “And don’t even get me started on the Reds. Have you seen their defensive line? It’s sick.”

Below is the newly released schedule for the 2008 Ohio State Buckeyes football season. God help us.

8/30 vs. Ohio School for the Deaf (Columbus, OH)
9/6 vs. Ohio Northern University (Columbus, OH)
9/13 @ Cuyahoga Community College (Cleveland, OH)
9/20 vs. Columbus, Ohio Chamber of Commerce Co-recreational Softball Team (Columbus, OH)
9/27 vs. Ohio State School for the Blind (Columbus, OH)
10/4 @ Cincinnati Reds (Cincinnati, OH)
10/11 vs. Boonville, Indiana High School (Boonville, IN)
10/18 @ Autism Academy of Learning (Maumee, OH)
10/25 vs. Cincinnati Hills Christian Academy (Columbus, OH)
11/1 – Bye Week
11/8 @ Columbus State Community College (Columbus, OH)
11/15 @ Cleveland School of the Arts High School Chess Team (Cleveland, OH)
11/22 vs. Michigan (Columbus, OH)

Comments Off

New Year, Old Tricks

Well, the Gators lost. This means that the only Florida-based team to win its bowl game this year is Florida Atlantic University. Owl Pride!

Oh well, here’s to a national championship next year.

Comments Off