Punishment

Okay, okay. Joke time. And trust me, this one is good.

The year is 2200, and there is an intergalactic war going on between two feuding groups of people: the Federation (from the planet Xzorba) and the Revolt, a militant terrorist group that sprung up for the first time in the year 2185 with the leader Bork LimFlanderflot, a radical revolutionary from the planet Untorplation. Both sides feud over the much debated sector 567-G.b, a region four million miles from the star Alpha-Centauri containing numerous deposits of the element Tungsten, necessary for the future of both the Federation and the Revolt.

For about a decade the war goes on without an end in sight. Both groups are losing galactic cruisers and troops faster than the universe expands, and the growing generation of each planet is pushed into intergalactic military service long before they morally equipped to make a decision as to their stance on the issue. Things are going from bad to worse when, out of the small planet Intorbi rises a group of beings against the war that has oppressed the universe for so long. Led by commander Lief Rootinbarque, this group of peaceful revolutionaries calls themselves the Resistance. In efforts of stopping the war, they too become involved, determined to either bring the quarrelling sides to a peaceful agreement or to kill off each army and instigate a peace through death.

Something you must understand about war in the year 2200 is that each legion of soldiers is measured in units called “tiles,” a unit coined by Dr. Simon Vondrittle of the planet Earth in the year 2194. The more troops, battleships, artillery, and weapons a military possesses, the more tiles said military earns. Such an army is “multi-tile.”

The Resistance announces they join the war on November 30, 2211, and at the daily staff briefing of the Federation, the commander, Jollip Deetroot asks his chief of war, Mr. Kindrio Yakamasuki (an intern from Japan) to assess the Resistance’s power.

Yakamasuki replies, “Sir, I’m going to be honest: they have one tenth the battleship cruisers we have, they have less than one thousand men, and their weapon systems are about 200 years old. Sir, the resistance is few tile.”

GET IT?! Few tile?! Futile?! Mr. Dull’s C¾ class really enjoyed that one at break today.

Sometimes I disappoint even myself.

SI

It’s here.

And I’m happy.

My dog got a new collar that says “Stetson Law.” He’s gonna be the coolest dog on the block.

[/sarcasm]

googlism

Ying googlized me, here are some favorites:

casey is celibate
casey is h to the ot
casey is a marxist?
casey is stroking the lightweight coxless four with paul griffin
casey is going to lick your face
casey is a dork
casey is “a rootin”

And my all-time favorite:
casey is flinching on air because of a fly in the studio that only he can see

…all of which are true. God bless the Internet.

Valentine's Day, Redux

Found new browser, ordered pizza, ate half of pizza, listened to tunes, watched West Wing on tape, listenened to more tunes, ate ice cream, went to bed at 11:30.

Tomorrow is a half day at school because of President’s day. President’s day?! It’s not really a holiday, its like two birthdays mixed into one that gives an excuse for lack of work. No matter, at least I don’t have to put any effort into my being tomorrow.

Valentine's Day

Today I wrote on a post-it note and got Sarah Jones to slap it on Angus’ back. It’s a “kick me” haiku which is now proudly displayed below Hodgkinson’s white board.

I just want to say
That I want you to kick me
In haiku format.

Valentine’s Day is such a load of crap. It’s the universal “Americans are deep in debt up to their ears from Christmas so why not spend thirty bucks on a bunch of flowers that’ll die in about a week” day. Lord knows it’s exactly what we need, that coupled with chocolate that (admittedly) I don’t like all that much. I’m convinced this Saint Valentine fella is the spawn of Satan.

Yeah, I said it – wanna fight about it?

Chinese Insanity

The actual fortunes from the fortune cookies included with the Chinese food my family ordered last night:

…sigh.

Jeopardy!

I’ll take Narcoleptic Game Show Hosts for 1000.