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Creep Out!
November 17th, 2006 / #college, #observations, #uf
During my long and wholly unnecessary absence from the wonderful world of the Internet, I have been acclimating myself to the strange and new world we call college: new people, new experiences, and best of all, a football team upon which I can fall back now that my beloved Buccaneers are officially worse at football than my dead grandmother.
But I digress.
There is a certain order in which people enter into one of my lectures every day. Now, this is a lecture of over 300 students, so you can probably consider it creepy that I single out these three girls. And so be it; if you don’t know by now that I am a creepy individual, there’s something wrong with you.
First, there’s Blonde Girl Who Waddles. She gives me Paris Hilton vibes. She comes in the door closest to me and literally waddles down the aisle like a penguin. She sits in about the third row. I only mention her first because she came in first last class. When she comes in, I’ve noticed, is largely a product of how much she cared to use makeup before class. If she comes in early, she is weathered, sleepy, and grumpy. If she decides to use makeup, she comes in about 10 minutes after class has started, much to the chagrin of the professor. Either way, I’ll still always love BGWW.
Next comes Girl Who Enunciates. She sits one row ahead of me and to my left. I have never actually heard her speak, but the way she trims her eyebrows and what I gather from lip reading tells me that she needn’t ever repeat herself because she takes special care to pronounce each syllable with as much accuracy and definition as possible. I respect her for this.
And last but certainly not least is Sport. I call her Sport because she has lips that resemble Gregory Smith’s in his role as Sport in Harriet the Spy. I’m not saying that she looks like a boy or anything – in fact, she is a good looking girl. Her lips just stick out like that. She computes on her iBook every day in class, mostly using Facebook. She recently changed her desktop wallpaper, which is a good thing because I’ve been of the opinion for about two months prior that she should change it.
Anyhow, now that I’ve completely mortified any girls with whom I might ever come into contact for fear of such opinions, I will leave the final judgment of my creepiness to you, the benevolent public.
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1812 Overture (Alumni Band) by University of Notre Dame Band of the Fighting Irish
Not creepy at all. Or, at least, I always did the same thing.
There was That Guy who ALWAYS had to raise his hand and say something largely irrelevant while I sat behind him thinking “shut up shut up shut up.” And Undercover Smart Guy, who looked like he probably wasn’t very smart, but on the rare occasions where he spoke, he was shockingly eloquent. And The Republican, who I thought would be a perfect husband and father to my children and is, as it turns out, not actually a Republican.
Anyway. You’re not creepy at all.
I want BGWW to find this, read this, then get offended because she had no idea that she waddled. i miss your creepiness. come home. and why don’t you ever call me?!?!
I thought I was the creepy one.