Yo Mamma So Fat…
[ 4 Comments ] Posted on 05.26.06 in television
We all have our dirty little secrets. Some people secretly like musicals. Some secretly kill people and hide their chopped-up bodies in the walls. Me? I watch MTV.
Now, I’m not a religious watcher. I know it’s like an instant brain cell killer. And I know that by watching it, I’m probably shortening my life span. But hey, I’m a relatively unhealthy person anyway. What’s a couple years when I’m 70? (As if I’ll make it to 70, considering all the $1 double cheeseburgers from McDonald’s I’ve been eating lately.)
Today, I watched a marathon of MTV’s “Yo Mamma.” It’s a show where a bunch of ghetto folks with interestingly nice houses insult each other in front of a group of comparably ghetto people who say “Oh snap!” or “Oh no you di-en’t!” when one guy squeaks out a lame “yo mamma so fat…” joke. It’s a half hour of mind-numbing fun!
You know, this is the second MTV show with which I’ve fallen in love. My first man was Andy Milonakis. But my true love? Wilmer Valderrama.
Mon-OH!
[ 2 Comments ] Posted on 05.22.06 in complaints, girls
Well, my attempts to live a normal teenage life in the last few months have paid off. Ladies and gentlemen, I have mono.
It’s not great – that’s for sure. But, you know, it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. The only bad things about mono are the enlarged (and pus-covered!) tonsils, sore throat, fever, stuffiness and constant sweat. However, the positives are pretty nice, too. The doctor says that I should take it easy for the next few weeks.
I am now sitting on the couch, watching the big screen TV, computing, eating and drinking loads and loads of Gatorade. And after the last two IB exams tomorrow, this is all I’ll have to do for the next month.
Oh, woe is me.
I’m President of the Fan Club
[ 15 Comments ] Posted on 05.14.06 in Rays, baseball
If you’ve been around me for the past couple of months, you already know this. But if you’ve been living under a rock and you aren’t aware of the simple fact that Travis Lee is the best baseball player to ever play the game, this is your heads up.
Lee’s fielding percentage is .997, which is the highest active percentage in the league among first basemen. He is as tall as the Empire State Building; he is as mighty as a lion; he is as nimble as a kitten; he is as powerful as a locomotive.
Notice that locomotives do not have opposable thumbs. Hence, they cannot hold baseball bats. And because they cannot hold baseball bats, their batting averages are not very high.
But did Jesus ever rub pine tar on a Louisville Slugger? Did Mohammed have a good batting average? Could Moses crank a ball over the centerfield wall? Collective answer? No. Collective moral? You can go ahead and disregard Travis Lee’s batting average. Pay attention to the obvious: he is easily the greatest first baseman in the league and he is possibly the greatest human being to walk the earth in 2000 years.