Love is $.45/pound
Dear Produce Girl from Publix:
I’ve watched you stock tomatoes and bananas ever since I was in the 8th grade. You must have been in high school then. You had short reddish hair and wore thick-rimmed glasses. You were really, really good looking.
But a month ago, which was the last time I saw you, you had gotten contacts and bleached your hair. Im not saying that you didn’t look good, but I am saying that the Produce Girl of yesteryear had something that today’s Produce Girl doesn’t. And maybe I expressed this opinion a little too openly the last time I was buying a bag of potatoes, because I haven’t seen you since.
Produce Girl, I’m sorry if I offended you. Please, come back to your little corner of my neighborhood supermarket so I can fondle you with my eyes.
Love,
Casey