The last straw

December 15th, 2004 / #advice, #random

What classifies being a man? Is it chopping down trees with one swift swing of an axe? Or could it have something to do with killing a man with your bare hands? Or should it be mandated that in order for you to be considered a real man, you slap one of those bumper stickers on the back of your pickup telling the whole world of your prayer habits?

While all of these qualities are indeed conducive to existing as a man, the evolution into that state of being is wholly different.

Here’s a tip from the manliest of them all: Don’t use straws.

Yeah, I said it. Radical, is it not? Picture this: You sit down at a table, order your drink (which, at this point in my life cannot be legally alcoholic), and in a few minutes the servestress (or whomever) returns with a mug of frosty Coca Cola and a little plastic tube wrapped oh-so-sanitarily in paper. By tossing the straw to the side and swigging from the glass with your bare lips, you are exposing yourself to a world of potential infection from prior uses. But in essence by merely chugging from that glass you’ve said to that viral disease, “I’m not afraid of you, because a real man shouldn’t be.”

Because exams are over, this is all I have to think of.


There are 5 comments. Such a lively discussion!

  1. Angus spoke up on October 15, 2005.

    A wood chopping is always fun. I’ve been getting some big fires going in my fireplace today. I always wanted to fight to the death, but preferably with some sort of medieval object, like a lance or mace…With the Bucs still in the playoff picture I have been praying a lot lately…you know the Bucs are ranked #12 by the power rankings! Thats over the panthers, vikings, and seahawks! I’m so lazy I will drink as much as I can straight from the source, so as to not have to prepare a cup or straw or anything like that.

  2. Taryn spoke up on October 15, 2005.

    defending our manhood are we Angus?

    straws give you wrinkles anyway

  3. Trizis spoke up on October 15, 2005.

    i scarcely uses straws myself…yet do to angus’ wood chopping fixation, and my constant desire to be naked, i no longer can be considered manly. kill me now.

  4. Angus spoke up on October 15, 2005.

    Oh comon’ Taryn, whats more manlier(word?) than this

    http://homepage.mac.com/sherwoodrodney/iMovieTheater10.html

  5. Poko spoke up on October 15, 2005.

    I’m sorry we made you question your manliness in the car Casey.

Sorry, but comments are closed. Some things are best said in a vacuum.

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