Memory Monster
[ 1 Comment ] Posted on 10.25.04 in random
The elbows are the dirtiest places on my body. The only rationale behind this assertion is that, because the skin on the elbow is continually stretched and constricted with arm movement, the skin forms little pockets of dirt that cannot be washed off without some pretty extensive lathering.
For the past three weeks, I’ve been telling myself, “Self, you must wash your elbows!”
I remind myself of this only when I am high and dry. It seems that whenever I step into the shower, I enter a realm of the supernatural. The only logical hypothesis is that some memory-draining, awareness consuming monster must live in the shower pit and is kept in its blue and white cage with only a thin sheet of plastic hanging from a rusty aluminum rod.
I’ve failed to remind myself to pay special attention to these spots every day for the better part of a month. My ‘bows have gotten so grungy, fellow classmates in Spanish class could today see the brown spots and took no hesitation in pointing them out to me. Thanks for the reminder, folks.
I’m hoping that consciously explaining my situation will raise public awareness (and lessen notions of my ill-hygiene) while at the same time wedging into my subconscious a command to abscond from the memory monster in my bathroom.
Buen provecho
[ 5 Comments ] Posted on 10.22.04 in food, high school
School is in full swing, and as such I haven’t been able to update much during the week. School has consumed me and there’s nothing I can do to combat that but go every day and make the best from a situation in which I would prefer not to be in.
For example, at lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays, the a la carte line in the lunchroom sells steak burgers. These aren’t your normal hamburger – oh no. They are twice the size and, though they cost a whopping $2.75, I’m willing to throw out the extra buck for superior processed “meat” topped with melted “cheese.”
The new steak burgers (or so they call them; I don’t see any steak in there) have made me such a happy man that I can make it through the week virtually unscathed. Such a fact just goes to show that food makes life worth living.
Either that or it just sustains us until we inevitably die. Either way.
You got pwned
[ 1 Comment ] Posted on 10.16.04 in observations
When I was at the store today with my mother (because she was the only one who would play with me because Homecoming took it out of all my friends), I was thinking.
When I’m a man of independent resources and a steady income, I’m going to exclusively buy store-brand items. Meat, cheese, milk, soda, aspirin; it’s all the same in every respect except pictures on the box and price.
However, there is one product that I will not skimp on. If you dare bring me the store brand ultra thin and sandpaper-esque toilet paper, I will disown you.
And if I don’t own you, I’ll push an amendment through Congress with my charm and good looks to reinstate slavery, purchase you as my slave as to make me your proprietor, then push through Congress with the aforementioned charm and good looks an amendment that again abolishes slavery just to say that, because of your ill-fated decision to pursue savings over quality, I disowned you. And don’t think I’m bluffing; I hold a great influence over Congress. I can’t tell you why though – you know, classified CIA inspector stuff.
In any case, it’s only Charmin Ultra Double Roll for me. Nothing else can satisfy, even if it’s on sale.