Annual Self Pity
[ 3 Comments ] Posted on 02.14.05 in Valentine's Day, complaints
I decided that this Valentine’s day, instead of feeling sorry for my lone self, I would bring the rest of single society down with me.
I am of the opinion that the majority of those folks who regard Valentine’s day as a commercial institution that is wholly unnecessary are in the same boat as me: HMS Lonely And Bitter. So, if you’re one of my fellow passengers, I’m just here to give you a friendly reminder regarding the origin of your defensive sentiment regarding February 14.
Have a nice day, fellow lonesome losers.
I’m the fastest kid at recess
[ No Comments ] Posted on 02.10.05 in food, high school
So, things are now on an upswing in my life thanks to the emergence of one of my new best friends in the world: Healthy Cow Chocolate Milk.
Apparently, the cafeteria gave up on the antiquated ways of subservience to Velda Farms. Now, the good folks at Healthy Cow Milk are making the world a little brighter, one half pint at a time.
Not only does this stuff taste way better; the boxes are a billion times more interesting. Back in the day when we had to read some corny joke and turn the carton entirely around to see the punch line, everyone had a pain in their arms from all the turning and a pain in the brain from the horrible, horrible joke. It was like watching television on an old black and white set while having a hand standing contest underwater – just silly and exhausting.
Now, however, we have clever quips at a horizontal level right there at our fingertips. Among the myriad of silly sentences, my personal favorite is, “It takes 100 cartons of Healthy Cow Milk to be as fast as the slowest Healthy Cow.”
The Great Flip
[ 1 Comment ] Posted on 02.08.05 in observations, random
I think that since those ancient folks separated time into fixed passages known as days, weeks and months, the intrinsic human mind has managed to separate other reified entities against the ever-present intangible backdrop of the passage of time.
Take, for example, our mental plus and delta chart of the events of the present: our proverbial tally marks seem to clump up in a sole column as any specific and predefined amount of time passes us by. Likewise, when the sun ducks underneath the horizon or when we’re forced to flip up a page in our calendars, so too do we flip up the pages of the mind and of the heart. After the Great Flip, we are faced with so much environmental newness that in order to be distracted by the follies of the present that are seared into meticulousness, we shift position until it is just different enough to invoke new feelings yet just similar enough to sneak its way into our boxes.
It happens to everyone all the time, but each individual’s schedule is different because if everyone were to make the Great Flip at the same time, the world would suck even more than Dr. Y tells us we say it does. I flipped when the clock struck 12:00AM Monday morning. I can only hope that the interim until my next flip is exceedingly short lived; I am so not used to this that I had to take the nail out of the wall to make the change because its head was too big for my largely unperturbed perforation.
I guess what I’m trying to say with this long, drawn out narrative is that this week sucks, but come Monday, it’ll be alright.