I am the Nostradamus of crass commercialism
[ No Comments ] Posted on 02.10.09 in Valentine's Day, politics
Hey, remember this?
Yeah, I was right.
Where can I pick up my commemorative Barack Obama pogs?
[ 2 Comments ] Posted on 01.22.09 in Valentine's Day, cults, politics
Oh, Barack Obama.
It must be pretty comforting to know that after your Presidency is complete in eight years, you will have quite a source of income based solely on your image. Think about the possibilities, dude. When you leave Washington to go back and farm corn or whatever it is those in Illinois do, you can simply live for the rest of your life by selling stuff with your face all over it to the legions of Americans who think you are Jesus.
I’m talking about an action figure line, maybe some designer clothes at Wal-Mart a la the Olsen Twins, maybe even a blockbuster action film!
Seeing the countless racks of wares with your (likely unlicensed) image throughout the last few months, I have come to the conclusion that this whole Presidency thing is more of a time killer until you can evolve from the prince of politics into the messiah of the marketplace.
Barack Obama t-shirts, Barack Obama stationary, Barack Obama DVDs, and Barack Obama salad dressing to take the place of Newman’s Own. Heck, it’s only a matter of time (read: a month) until kids start showing up to school with Barack Obama valentines for all of their good friends. The possibilities are endless!
Bitter? No. I just wish people would pay to have my face on crap.
I can’t wait until Vancouver 2010
[ 1 Comment ] Posted on 02.15.06 in Valentine's Day, girls, sports
I know I said that I hated Valentine’s Day. And I still do. But friends, I think I fell in love yesterday. With the US Olympic Women’s Curling Team.
Don’t get me wrong. I think (much to the chagrin of some of my eastern European counterparts at school) that the Olympics are a big waste of my time. It does nothing but interrupt my regularly scheduled week of new television shows and makes girls lust after gnarly snowboarder types.
But after watching the US fall short of beating the team from Japan in what appears to be some strange game of giant shuffleboard on ice, I came to appreciate the hotness that somehow comes from Bemidji, Minnesota.
And here’s a fun fact for you: Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox were from Bemidji. Not only can this little corner of northern Minnesota produce the hottest things to hit the ice since Emilio Estevez in The Mighty Ducks, but it can also captivate a nation with folk tales that make absolutely no sense whatsoever.
Thank you, Bemidji. You get the gold medal in my book.