Revenge of the Sith
[ 2 Comments ] Posted on 05.18.05 in letters, movies
Dear George Lucas,
It is 3:06 AM, and I just got back from my local theater. Now that I’ve seen every Star Wars movie in the saga, I have a few suggestions that could make it even better than it is.
# Can we please see Queen Amidala’s boobs?
# You should remake Episode 1 so that Jar Jar Binks does not talk.
# Perhaps an intellectual Wookie? You know, one who wears glasses and gives the British equivalent of a hearty grunt. All of the current Wookies just sound retarded.
# Can we please see Queen Amidala’s boobs?
Love,
Casey
But not a drop to drink
[ 2 Comments ] Posted on 05.17.05 in bliss, girls
As I was walking out of school today, I got to thinking about how much I’ll miss going everyday during the upcoming summer months. It’s not the friends that I get to surround myself with; Lord knows it’s not the overly exigent educational experience that beats the life out of my mind day in and day out; and no, it’s not even the new chocolate milk that they came out with at lunch this year. So, if it’s not any one of these things that keeps me coming back, what could it be?
Dude, do you know how many good looking girls go to school in Palm Harbor? Everywhere you look, there is a fine example of a prime piece of beauty. I think it’s primarily a product of two things: the location of my school and my general teenage hormonal activity. The former means that chicks at my school can afford to pretty themselves up. The latter references my low, low standards – but you already knew that.
Anyhow, thus begins Summer of 2005: months without unlimited eye candy.
PDA
[ 4 Comments ] Posted on 05.13.05 in complaints, girls
New on the list of things that upset me: public displays of affection. And no, I won’t cloak the fact that this entire tirade is a manifestation of my own jealousy.
Now, I don’t mean to say that running off into a corner and sucking someone’s face off until they look like Inside Out Boy from the days of Nickelodeon past is necessarily a bad thing. In fact, compared with the alternatives, this form of affection isn’t half bad.
What’s really annoying is when people try to act normal while they are talking to you. Here I am, trying to have a conversation with you sexually charged lovebirds and you’ve suddenly morphed into what the Power Rangers would look like if they banded together into a giant ball of flesh and limbs. You think I don’t notice? When people do that, it’s like trying to talk to the last desperate people on earth who must repopulate its lands before they themselves die. And I must admit, it irks me like no other; just be a normal person for once.
I get it: you have someone and I don’t. Now go find a corner, because you’re just reminding me of what I’m not and doing a pretty fine job of making me sick in the meantime.