Good Morning, Good Morning
[ 3 Comments ] Posted on 06.02.05 in friends
Today I woke up to the cellular phone call of two of my lovely female friends in my kitchen who took it upon themselves to let themselves into my house in the wee hours of the morning. Well, I guess all of that would have to depend on your definition of “wee hours,” but my 11:00 AM wakeup call was a bit difficult to cope with. That just goes to show what summer vacation will do to a boy.
Either way, I’m grateful to have such close friends that would wake me up like so. It’s better than a silly alarm clock and more efficient than waiting for your body to wake itself.
As much as I consider awakening, I cannot bar myself from inevitably delving into the hypothetical realm of consciousness that considers awakening’s fundamental opposite: falling asleep. And that only leads me to consider death. I know: this newfound dreary and depressed funk I’m in does strange things to my thought patterns.
Anyhow, after considering the possibilities, I would like to die in a similar manner, surrounded by my closest friends. But there should be more chicks. Wearing cheerleader outfits. That brought pizza.
Sinning never felt this good
[ 7 Comments ] Posted on 05.31.05 in food
I know, I know. It’s been a while.
I’m getting fat again. Well, let me rephrase. I’m eating like a genetically mutated cow that fills its four stomachs with whole pepperoni and mushroom pizzas rather than Bermuda Grass. Why? I’m guessing it’s a product of my new line of work and the metabolism that arises from a day on the job.
Either way, this week, I’ve eaten about 3 pizzas, which isn’t all that bad. But when you add in all of the other crap I’ve eaten, my eating habits look atrocious.
Normally, I would feel badly about my newfound diet habits. I really would. But I’ve managed to maintain my weight at a steady 140. Therefore, I’ve decided that as long as I eat when I’m hungry and what I eat is greasy and delicious, I will have no problems in the short run.
And the long run? Who cares?
Did I just hear a fat lady?
[ 4 Comments ] Posted on 05.21.05 in complaints, television
If you’re like me and you’ve grown up near Clearwater, since your early childhood, you have been privy to countless commercials for used cars from Dayton Andrews’ Chrysler/Jeep. Ever since I can remember, I’ve seen this old fellow by the name of Dayton Andrews peddling his automobiles from the angle of an honest, family-friendly car dealer. He attempts to appear as a good, old fashioned, nice old man as he ends every commercial with the same plea: “Come trade with me under my old oak tree.”
See, there’s this oak tree that’s been there (presumably) since the dealership opened 40 years ago. There’s just something about purchasing a car from an old Southern type under his famed branches that makes you feel like you’re getting a real deal, you know?
Well – and I absolutely hate to say this – Mr. Andrews, after your tree’s decade-long fight with old age, mother nature has emerged victorious. And it’s looked this way for more than a year. I beseech you: please take that tree out of its misery. It looks pathetic sitting there on the side of State Road 60, one of the busiest roads in the county.
The dream is dead.
!http://www.sociallyconsciousbird.com/storage/images/deadtree.jpg!