Every Freshman’s Worst Nightmare

[ 3 Comments ] Posted on 04.30.07 in college, funny stories

Today was a normal day. I got up at 10:30, watched Cold Pizza on ESPN, took my shower, and was beginning to loaf around when I got a test message from my good buddy James: “That was a hard test.” Naturally, I assumed he was talking about the morning version of the Macroeconomics final. I thought this to be rather unfortunate, because I knew I would have to take the nighttime version at 8:20 tonight. But then I thought to myself, “Gee, self: it’s 11:30. If James were to take the morning version of the final, he would have finished around 9:30. His text message is a bit late, unless…”

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

I quickly looked at the syllabus. There it was: the only version of the final offered today was scheduled to be administered at 10:00. I threw on a shirt, slapped on my flip-flops, and proceeded to find a previously unknown to me fifth gear in my little, four cylinder, Ford Focus as I raced across the city, on my way to beg someone to let me take a test for which I was sorely unprepared. I made it to school by speeding down 13th Street, going over the curb and the wrong way down a one-way street, and parking illegally in a faculty lot outside of Mallory Hall. Angus was walking to his room and greeted me. I just said “Hey!”

I took off my flip flops and ran as fast as a fat guy can run clear across the campus to where the test was being given. I couldn’t really communicate with the TAs in the room at the time, as I was out of breath. They told me to go to Professor Dave Denslow’s office and wait. I did this, and as I walked into Matherly Hall, I noticed that I stunk. No, I reeked. No matter. If I didn’t get to take this exam, I fail the class. And I had only taken 12 credits this semester.

I skedaddled up the stairs to good old room 218, where I was pleasantly surprised to see more than one person in my position. I stated my case to the TA on duty, who then told me to wait. Fifteen minutes later, I was taking a rather difficult Macroeconomics final. I am going to be penalized 15 points for my inability to comprehend test times, but I guess that this story will serve as a warning to those inept fools like me who don’t care to read their syllabi.

The New Jan Brady!

[ 1 Comment ] Posted on 04.22.07 in college, girls, random, scb

For lack of one solid, lengthy, and coherent idea, here’s a bunch of little things:

  • For some reason, the Web site was acting up for about a month. I kept putting it off and putting it off, but I decided to fix it. Hooray for WordPress themes and the spare time to play around with the code therein.
  • I gave a homeless man playing the accordion a dollar today outside of the grocery store. I usually don’t do that kind of thing, but Dude has no eyes. So, me being the double-eyeball-having kind of guy I am, I felt guilty. On second thought, though, I could have just taken all the money from his jar. Dude has no eyes.
  • Final exams are few and far between. This is nice, but it is also kind of inconvenient, since I’m sitting here like a lump for days at a time while I wait for the next test to start.
  • I tried to learn the mandolin. Apart from a few songs and chords, that endeavor is playing second fiddle to my new passion: weightlifting. I originally thought that playing the mandolin would attract girls. Now, they tell me it’s lifting weights. I’m just waiting for that to go out of style and make way for a new pastime. Sort of like the blessed transition from baseball cards to Pogs. (By the way, I know I am very weak. I can curl 40 whole pounds!)
  • I gave up drinking soda, and am proud to say that as of today, it’s been four glorious, decaffeinated weeks. I am dying to have an orange soda.

    • So, there you have it. If you find any navigational problems with the new layout, shoot me an email.

    Waiting for my Sea Legs

    [ No Comments ] Posted on 04.15.07 in movies, random

    I don’t aspire to much in this life. The way I see it, if you don’t really have goals, you’ll never be disappointed by what the cosmos throw your way. Life is an adventure, really; as long as you get out of that adventure happier than you were when you began, it was a success.

    I mention this because tonight, I’ve done something pretty unusual for me: I’ve come up with a goal in this life.

    I was watching Jaws. Usually, such a film would bring fear and terror of the ocean into a man. However, seeing the characters in the movie on the high seas, talking about old adventures and lost loves really makes me want to have a part of that world. Now, I am no sailor. I squirm at the thought of having to touch a live fish. I have no idea how to tie a rope. If my boat were to run out of gas in the middle of the Southern Caribbean, I would probably sit there and wait to die. Point is, I’m a pansy.

    However, I’m a young Turk. I’m anticipating having about sixty more years on this big blue ball. In that time, I figure I can grasp the concept of sailing somehow. Which leads me to my life goal: when I retire, I want to live on a houseboat.

    Judge me now or judge me later, loyal readers. But that, my friends, is the beauty of ambition.

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