Groundination
[ 3 Comments ] Posted on 02.18.05 in complaints
My report card being what it is at the end of these six weeks has acted as a catalyst for my inevitable restriction. This year has been the first time in my life during which I have been granted the opportunity to do normal teenage things. Some of which I’ve taken advantage, some of which I wish never to experience, and some of which I have lacked the gusto to actually pursue.
However, for an indefinite amount of time, I will lack the freedoms that I have enjoyed so thoroughly this year. Perhaps, though, this will pass soon so I can muster up the confidence to lead a normal, Kevin Arnold-like childhood filled with all the items that put the “wonder†in The Wonder Years.
So for the time being, I’ll just hope unceasingly that this, too, shall pass; there are so many things to do before it’s too late.
Annual Self Pity
[ 3 Comments ] Posted on 02.14.05 in Valentine's Day, complaints
I decided that this Valentine’s day, instead of feeling sorry for my lone self, I would bring the rest of single society down with me.
I am of the opinion that the majority of those folks who regard Valentine’s day as a commercial institution that is wholly unnecessary are in the same boat as me: HMS Lonely And Bitter. So, if you’re one of my fellow passengers, I’m just here to give you a friendly reminder regarding the origin of your defensive sentiment regarding February 14.
Have a nice day, fellow lonesome losers.
I’m the fastest kid at recess
[ No Comments ] Posted on 02.10.05 in food, high school
So, things are now on an upswing in my life thanks to the emergence of one of my new best friends in the world: Healthy Cow Chocolate Milk.
Apparently, the cafeteria gave up on the antiquated ways of subservience to Velda Farms. Now, the good folks at Healthy Cow Milk are making the world a little brighter, one half pint at a time.
Not only does this stuff taste way better; the boxes are a billion times more interesting. Back in the day when we had to read some corny joke and turn the carton entirely around to see the punch line, everyone had a pain in their arms from all the turning and a pain in the brain from the horrible, horrible joke. It was like watching television on an old black and white set while having a hand standing contest underwater – just silly and exhausting.
Now, however, we have clever quips at a horizontal level right there at our fingertips. Among the myriad of silly sentences, my personal favorite is, “It takes 100 cartons of Healthy Cow Milk to be as fast as the slowest Healthy Cow.”