Annual Self Pity
[ 3 Comments ] Posted on 02.14.05 in Valentine's Day, complaints
I decided that this Valentine’s day, instead of feeling sorry for my lone self, I would bring the rest of single society down with me.
I am of the opinion that the majority of those folks who regard Valentine’s day as a commercial institution that is wholly unnecessary are in the same boat as me: HMS Lonely And Bitter. So, if you’re one of my fellow passengers, I’m just here to give you a friendly reminder regarding the origin of your defensive sentiment regarding February 14.
Have a nice day, fellow lonesome losers.
Healthy Criticism
[ 4 Comments ] Posted on 01.13.05 in complaints, politics
Lately, I was conversing with my brother Ian, one of the few people in my life who bothers to challenge me with important and intellectual thought, and we noticed a phenomenon that sneaked up on the mindless sheep of American society seemingly overnight. You’d have to be blind to not see it, but at the same time, you’d have to be painstakingly cynical to let it bother you. Ladies and gentlemen, a cynic has entered the building.
Of course, it’s the sudden fad to put those silly little magnetic ribbons on the back of your car. I don’t intend to challenge the messages conveyed by such magnets, though I would like to point out that when you slap one of those babies on the back of your automobile, you look like a mindless dolt of a follower of pop culture. Furthermore, if you have more than one on your trunk, you look even sillier. But perhaps the most self-degrading aspect of these Liberty and Freedom Magnets is the fact that a good percentage of persons who dare to muck up their otherwise perfectly good cars by putting these absurd things on sideways. Honestly, how educated do you come off if you cannot simply align your ribbon correctly?
Sigh. Way to go, general public. Glad to know they gave you licenses.
Beads!
[ 2 Comments ] Posted on 12.11.04 in complaints, observations
Last night I walked alongside a float full of kids from my church in the Clearwater Fun n Sun Holiday Parade. As we trudged through downtown among the bourgeois huddled alongside Cleveland Avenue, I realized that I never again want to be a spectator at a parade.
Starting at Crest Lake Park and moving west toward the heart of Downtown, the types of people along the parade route were clearly discernible. First we started with a high population of Mexicans to either side. This minority gradient soon developed into a large African-American crowd screaming for the candies and beads we were so graciously tossing to the side. When our float approached the true bounds of downtown, most people were Caucasians who had reached their Mecca of candy and plastic jewelry from the ground following their long pilgrimage from the local trailer park. Please make note that I’ve nothing major against any of the aforementioned minorities, it’s just that their division clearly denotes the division in the parade route.
One aspect of parading that is a commonality between all areas of Clearwater is the hostility that everyone holds for stupid strings with little plastic balls on them. After greeting ninety-nine percent of the folks whom we passed with a holly jolly “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays,” we were assaulted with the same rude, one-word response: “Beads!”
I don’t fault most kids for this; they’re young and don’t know better. But when 30 year old Juanita or Shaprice can only eek out one word in response to our generosity, I take it personally. You’re not getting my beads.
That is, of course, unless you’re a hot chick.