Tricky, tricky
[ 6 Comments ] Posted on 06.08.05 in complaints, letters
Dear United Cab Company:
I realize that you’re a taxi service and therefore a common vehicular design is necessary for name recognition, but do you really have to paint all of your cars black and white and slap your logo on the side?
Every time I see one of your cabs, I panic and downshift because I think you’re The Fuzz. Then, after you pass, I curse your name and swear never to use your service.
Because really, who wants to get charged $.40 for every additional mile while carting around in the back of a pseudo patrol car?
Love,
Casey
Revenge of the Sith
[ 2 Comments ] Posted on 05.18.05 in letters, movies
Dear George Lucas,
It is 3:06 AM, and I just got back from my local theater. Now that I’ve seen every Star Wars movie in the saga, I have a few suggestions that could make it even better than it is.
# Can we please see Queen Amidala’s boobs?
# You should remake Episode 1 so that Jar Jar Binks does not talk.
# Perhaps an intellectual Wookie? You know, one who wears glasses and gives the British equivalent of a hearty grunt. All of the current Wookies just sound retarded.
# Can we please see Queen Amidala’s boobs?
Love,
Casey
Call it torture
[ 3 Comments ] Posted on 02.28.05 in college, letters
Dear colleges that are sending me application letters,
Everything you send to me looks alike. There’s a picture of a token group of interracial males and females sitting outside with books smiling, a list of the exact same undergraduate options, and a business reply card that I will probably never fill out.
If you want to make things really easy for me, you could just pool your publication funds together and send one collective parcel with the name of your college, its difficulty on a scale of one to ten, and an approximation of the number of girls in your town who might be interested in pursuing a long term relationship with me.
Yeah, that would be great.
Love,
Casey