The last straw
[ 5 Comments ] Posted on 12.15.04 in advice, random
What classifies being a man? Is it chopping down trees with one swift swing of an axe? Or could it have something to do with killing a man with your bare hands? Or should it be mandated that in order for you to be considered a real man, you slap one of those bumper stickers on the back of your pickup telling the whole world of your prayer habits?
While all of these qualities are indeed conducive to existing as a man, the evolution into that state of being is wholly different.
Here’s a tip from the manliest of them all: Don’t use straws.
Yeah, I said it. Radical, is it not? Picture this: You sit down at a table, order your drink (which, at this point in my life cannot be legally alcoholic), and in a few minutes the servestress (or whomever) returns with a mug of frosty Coca Cola and a little plastic tube wrapped oh-so-sanitarily in paper. By tossing the straw to the side and swigging from the glass with your bare lips, you are exposing yourself to a world of potential infection from prior uses. But in essence by merely chugging from that glass you’ve said to that viral disease, “I’m not afraid of you, because a real man shouldn’t be.”
Because exams are over, this is all I have to think of.
Deep Fried Overdose
[ No Comments ] Posted on 01.11.04 in advice, food, girls
I went to the new Long John Silver’s tonight with my brother, Ian, and his girlfriend, Nikki, for the first time and after my brother ordered his fish sandwich, Nikki and I decided that we were hungry so we would split a family meal: 5 chicken planks, 4 pieces of fish, 2 orders of fries, 6 fried shrimp, and an order of hushpuppies. After paying for our flipping $28.00 worth of food we proceeded to wait at our table until it was done. During this time, we put on cardboard pirate hats and I got me a bib – This was gonna be some hardcore eating. And how right I was.
Round one.
I ate a plank of chicken. Nikki ate a plank of fish.
Round two.
I ate another plank of chicken. Nikki was still working on her first piece of fish.
Round three.
I ate another plank of chicken. Nikki’s still busy with that first plank of succulent cod.
Round four.
Chicken piece #4. Fish piece #1. You get the picture.
Round five.
(I’ll condense the rest of this story, it all pretty much goes the same.)
I ate the last piece of chicken and two pieces of fish. Nikki ate 1 (one) piece of fish.
The moral of this story? Girls don’t hold up their end of the bargain. Ever.
Bananas in Pajamas
[ 6 Comments ] Posted on 01.01.04 in New Year's, advice, girls
Advice for all the men out there: Never compare a woman to a banana. While it may seem like a good idea at the time, odds are she won’t take it the way you intend.
In fact, you should avoid comparing them to any fruits. Trust me.
Happy New Year.