Escalating Conflict
[ No Comments ] Posted on 03.03.09 in advice, complaints, observations
You know, folks in this dog-eat-dog world need to embrace the little things in life that can provide a well-deserved breather.
I realized this today when I was in Library West on campus, proceeding up to the second story to use one of the (inexplicably often broken) water-free urinals on the second story. For those who avoid the library like the plague due to the masses of gabbing sorority chicks and braniacs, to get to the second story of the library one must first proceed up an escalator to get to the meat of the building.
It seems that whenever I’m making my way up these escalators, there’s always some toe-tapping kid behind me who takes exception to the fact that I remain sedentary on the escalators, waiting for the magical moving steps to whisk me up to the next level.
When this happens I feel sort of pressured to treat the escalator like an immobile staircase and climb it like some sort of health nut. Naturally, I do as I am tacitly expected, thus exerting myself – though unnecessarily – so that I can minimize any awkward feelings from the folks behind me.
Now, I’m not really overly concerned with the sacrifice of motion that I make for these people. What I’m most disturbed by is the fact that these people cannot fathom the notion of merely relaxing for ten seconds and letting the wonders of modern innovation make their lives a smidgen easier.
I think the world would be an infinitely better place if people would just accept any gift of mechanized relief that might arise in their path and take comfort in the wonders of the twenty first century.
I can give you this advice because I am obviously the funniest man alive, right?
[ No Comments ] Posted on 03.11.08 in advice
Some jokes are perennial favorites in the comedy world. I know this because I spend my days and nights tuned into Comedy Central. I’ve become quite a connoisseur of stand-up comedy, but there are just some things that have been beaten to death.
The most prevalent of these jokes, in my opinion, is the age-old side-stitcher that black folks can say the N-word and white folks can’t. I’m looking at you, The Boondocks.
It never fails: whenever an African American comic goes up on stage, he is bound to tell this joke. And it was funny the first time. But now, it’s just a little old.
I think it’s time that folks realize that there are funnier things in the world than noting the proper use of a single, devisive word. Talk about your marriage. Talk about your childhood. Heck, talk about your family and their silly little quirks. But for the love of God, give the N-word a rest.
I’m scared to buy any more in vain
[ 3 Comments ] Posted on 11.24.07 in advice, girls
Well, I made it. I’m no longer a teenager. It’s nice and all, but let me tell you a little story.
In my junior year of high school, for some reason my good Asian friend Ying Lo brought me a paper bag with two condoms in it from some free condom venture or something. I (naturally) took one out of its wrapper to check out what they were like, seeing that I was such a social failure and all, and I put the other in my wallet.
Well, condom number two expires in December. So, uh, I’d best get cracking on that, eh?
So, if you have a vagina and I have any contact with you, I would suggest being extra vaginally vigilant when you’re around me for the next month; I’m going to be coming onto you like a fat chick at a wedding reception.