Bust Santa’s Zit!
[ 1 Comment ] Posted on 01.08.06 in Christmas, New Year's
It’s really not often that something catches my attention when I wake up for school on weekdays. I mean, it’s 5 a.m. and I probably didn’t get much sleep. If you want me to look through my cloudy eyes and make myself forget that I am supremely angry at all things in the world at such an ungodly hour, you’ve gotta be pretty awesome.
My friends, behold one of the few things that would actually make me press PrtScrn at the most insane time of the day:
Happy New Year!
The Return of the Clapper
[ 3 Comments ] Posted on 12.26.05 in Christmas, awesomeness
If you recall, last Christmas I told you about the greatest Christmas gift I had ever received or ever would receive. Santa gave me my Clapper, and all was right with the world.
What I didn’t tell you, however, was the perilous tale of how I managed to break my Clapper mere weeks after getting it. A word to the wise: never vacuum with your Dirt Devil plugged into a Clapper. It’ll work, but as you get closer and closer to the electrical outlet, the Clapper mistakes the moaning and groaning of the vacuum for innocent bouts of applause, causing the vacuum cleaner to turn on and off so much that the fuses and electronic components of the Clapper end up fried. In honor of Clapper #1′s memory, therefore, I have refused to clean my carpet for a year. It would be too traumatic.
This Christmas, though, I got a replacement Clapper. I have yet to hook it up to anything, though I think I’ll just put it on my lava lamp and this neon Corona Extra sign that my Mom stole from a bar for me.
The point of this story, though, is that Santa did it once again. Right when I thought that nothing could be worse because I had to undertake the arduous task of flipping a switch to turn on my lamp, good ole Chris Cringle came through in the clutch to brighten my life. And for that, I am forever grateful.
I have a big head
[ 3 Comments ] Posted on 12.26.03 in Christmas, cults, family
I was sitting at Christmas Dinner last night, and suddenly an argument arose.
Mom: Grandma, look at Casey’s hair!
Grandma (While feeling my head): Honey, he’s got nice hair.
Mom, Dad, & Brother: It’s too long!
Grandma: No, honey – Its length fits his head.Awkward silence ensues…
Apparently I have a big head. Oh well – all the better to insult you with.
I don’t really want to cut my hair. It’s silly. Those Twelve Tribes people say that it’s against God’s will to cut my hair. Besides, all the lovely ladies prefer it long – Anything to please them.