Sinning never felt this good
[ 7 Comments ] Posted on 05.31.05 in food
I know, I know. It’s been a while.
I’m getting fat again. Well, let me rephrase. I’m eating like a genetically mutated cow that fills its four stomachs with whole pepperoni and mushroom pizzas rather than Bermuda Grass. Why? I’m guessing it’s a product of my new line of work and the metabolism that arises from a day on the job.
Either way, this week, I’ve eaten about 3 pizzas, which isn’t all that bad. But when you add in all of the other crap I’ve eaten, my eating habits look atrocious.
Normally, I would feel badly about my newfound diet habits. I really would. But I’ve managed to maintain my weight at a steady 140. Therefore, I’ve decided that as long as I eat when I’m hungry and what I eat is greasy and delicious, I will have no problems in the short run.
And the long run? Who cares?
Did I just hear a fat lady?
[ 4 Comments ] Posted on 05.21.05 in complaints, television
If you’re like me and you’ve grown up near Clearwater, since your early childhood, you have been privy to countless commercials for used cars from Dayton Andrews’ Chrysler/Jeep. Ever since I can remember, I’ve seen this old fellow by the name of Dayton Andrews peddling his automobiles from the angle of an honest, family-friendly car dealer. He attempts to appear as a good, old fashioned, nice old man as he ends every commercial with the same plea: “Come trade with me under my old oak tree.”
See, there’s this oak tree that’s been there (presumably) since the dealership opened 40 years ago. There’s just something about purchasing a car from an old Southern type under his famed branches that makes you feel like you’re getting a real deal, you know?
Well – and I absolutely hate to say this – Mr. Andrews, after your tree’s decade-long fight with old age, mother nature has emerged victorious. And it’s looked this way for more than a year. I beseech you: please take that tree out of its misery. It looks pathetic sitting there on the side of State Road 60, one of the busiest roads in the county.
The dream is dead.
!http://www.sociallyconsciousbird.com/storage/images/deadtree.jpg!
Revenge of the Sith
[ 2 Comments ] Posted on 05.18.05 in letters, movies
Dear George Lucas,
It is 3:06 AM, and I just got back from my local theater. Now that I’ve seen every Star Wars movie in the saga, I have a few suggestions that could make it even better than it is.
# Can we please see Queen Amidala’s boobs?
# You should remake Episode 1 so that Jar Jar Binks does not talk.
# Perhaps an intellectual Wookie? You know, one who wears glasses and gives the British equivalent of a hearty grunt. All of the current Wookies just sound retarded.
# Can we please see Queen Amidala’s boobs?
Love,
Casey