2005
[ No Comments ] Posted on 12.31.04 in New Year's
Make it a great year or not, the choice is yours.
Time is on my side
[ No Comments ] Posted on 12.28.04 in bliss
For those of you facing the dark recesses of depression during the dreary winter months, chin up. I’ve got some wonderful news.
The recent earthquake in Asia was the most cataclysmic in years, scoring quite favorably on the Richter assessment. Scientists say that the quake was so severe that whole islands were moved 20-30 meters and that the excess energy caused by fault slippage actually caused the earth to wobble on its axis. But that’s not the cool part.
Now, I realize that Sunday’s seismic event was a travesty. I am not attempting to downplay the deaths of the tens of thousands of deceased; I am merely trying to extract some good from what would otherwise be a shame. Those peoples’ deaths just afforded you a little longer to live – or so you would think.
Geologists suggest that the shock of the quake actually interfered with the Earth’s rotation and, thus, caused the day to be 3 microseconds shorter.
Big deal, right? Well, actually, yes.
If you were to take the average American lifespan of 77.2 years, and break it down into days, you would find that the average U.S. inhabitant lives 28178 days, not counting leap years. If you were to multiply this number by the number of seconds (3 x 10^-6) missed each day, you get approximately .084534 seconds.
This fraction of a second, even though it is in no way technically added to the average American lifespan, appears as a faux addendum. That is, after you serve your 77.2 years, you could view it as a gift from some higher power – like Father Time, or God, or the Ghost of Richard Nixon.
Clap on…
[ 3 Comments ] Posted on 12.25.04 in awesomeness, letters
Dear Santa,
You’ve given me some awesome presents in the past. Though I really am not into the whole idea of gift giving at Christmastide, after the fact I am pretty content. This is especially true this year, because this was the year that you gave me the best present ever.
Santa, my good friend, my new Clapper is the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever given to me. I think it suffices to say that I have been more occupied with it than any other gift you’ve ever given me – even my little red and yellow Flintstones-style car back when I was knee high to a grasshopper. All day today, I have been questioning the amount of light in my room and altering the state of my lamp with two swift and consecutive smacks of my hands.
Originally, I had my doubts. But now you’ve proven yourself to me, Santa, and I believe in you.
Yours,
Casey Peterson