How to save the world in about 23 seconds
[ No Comments ] Posted on 02.08.08 in complaints, girls, politics
Lately, the talk of global warming has enveloped our dear society into an intense struggle between people who think the world is going to end because I drive a car and people who know for sure that our recent climate change is a mere cyclical happenstance.
Well, I prefer not to take sides in this debate, so I offer the topic of an actual conversation I had with a female petition pusher with a boy haircut I had on campus today.
While I concede that global warming could indeed be a possibility, I maintain that I don’t really care, at least for the time being, and I offer the following as my reasoning.
The state of Florida, if global warming is a real threat, won’t be underwater for some time. At least, not in my lifetime. And they keep telling me to care about the fact that the environment is going to Hell in a hand basket and that I should take preventative steps to reduce its effect for my children’s’ sake.
Well, if that’s the case, I’ll have to have children, right?
If that is the case, I will have to, at some point in my existence on this big round ball, plant my seed inside a woman. Ergo, I will have to find somewhere a female who will allow me the privilege of breaching her floppy V.
So, if and when a woman decides it necessary to make love to me, I will begin caring about global warming for the sake of my little sideburned flagellate friends.
The moral of this story: girls, if you really care about the environment, you will have lots of hardcore sex with me. Do it for me. Do it for the environment. But most of all, do it for the children.
This time around, he totally doesn’t like Jack’s lifestyle
[ No Comments ] Posted on 11.29.07 in observations, politics
Watching the CNN/YouTube Republican debate last night, only one issue was on my mind.
Tom Tancredo: Mr. Roper reincarnate?
“Tase him again, bro.”
[ No Comments ] Posted on 09.19.07 in complaints, linkage, politics
Yeah, I know I don’t usually post images with my musings. But darn it, this one is just too good. My beloved school has gained national notoriety this week, except this time it doesn’t involve large black men wearing orange and blue.
Nope, we’re notorious for using tasers on people who resist arrest – violently – at political speeches. For those of you who haven’t seen the video I’ve seen, here it is .
Oh crap. You know what this means now, right?
That’s right: I have to live with a bunch of ill-informed, blind hippie children fighting back against the system for a few weeks. The mere fact that the university police used this nondeadly force on a student, never mind the fact that he was using profanity during the speech and refused to be forcibly removed by running and elbowing officers, has the stupid half of this campus up in arms. I’m not saying it’s like a modern day Kent State or anything, but I just know that I’ll have to be refusing new flyers and rally information outside of Turlington Hall for a good while now. And that irks me.
Listen, I’m all for disliking the police (link and link). But I respect them. And if they tell me to do something, I do it. And so should everyone else. End of story.
I kind of want to get a taser in case I ever meet this stupid sack of crap. And tell all of your long-haired, Alligator-reading, Krishna-eating, uniformly biased friends to look out, too.
Edit September 20 8:00PM: Does this count as my being published? Probably not, but I’m going to pretend it does. I would like to thank the Academy…