Clap on…
[ 3 Comments ] Posted on 12.25.04 in awesomeness, letters
Dear Santa,
You’ve given me some awesome presents in the past. Though I really am not into the whole idea of gift giving at Christmastide, after the fact I am pretty content. This is especially true this year, because this was the year that you gave me the best present ever.
Santa, my good friend, my new Clapper is the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever given to me. I think it suffices to say that I have been more occupied with it than any other gift you’ve ever given me – even my little red and yellow Flintstones-style car back when I was knee high to a grasshopper. All day today, I have been questioning the amount of light in my room and altering the state of my lamp with two swift and consecutive smacks of my hands.
Originally, I had my doubts. But now you’ve proven yourself to me, Santa, and I believe in you.
Yours,
Casey Peterson
Riding the storm out
[ 2 Comments ] Posted on 09.02.04 in hurricanes, letters
Dear Hurricane Frances,
While I know that you’re wreaking havoc and destroying much that lies in your path, I would like to extend a warm welcome to Florida. I know that you’re getting a bad wrap about all the damage you cause; I understand that it’s your nature to spin and release fury upon all who dare to build their lives upon the feeble sands in the tropics, and I respect that you have the inalienable right to remain a hurricane, even in the midst of such animosity against you influenced by the biased media.
This letter is probably different than others you’ve received as of late, in that its intent is neither to disgrace your very nature nor to beg your mercy, but to thank you for all you do for us. Only you would have the genius to strike at such an opportune time for Pinellas County schoolchildren. Your welcome party coupled with Labor Day awards us with a four day weekend. You, my friend, are an asset to societal schedules, and for this, I thank you. Hurricane Frances, you are my friend.
Love,
Casey
P.S. While I respect your power, I don’t particularly want to be negatively affected by it. May I suggest Cuba? Nobody likes Cuba.