When the moon hits your eye
[ 1 Comment ] Posted on 12.24.04 in awesomeness, food
Why is it that cold pizza is so much better than the warm stuff? It’s the same pizza; nothing has been added or taken away from the pie.
I imagine it could be because you don’t have to deal with the hot pizza predicament. You know: when the pizza is just served and is so hot that the mouth naturally puckers and you scour the tabletop for a beverage to calm the raging inferno within your pallet. With a few hours of refrigerating time under the proverbial pepperoni belt, such situations are successfully evaded and the pizza can be enjoyed with no fear of burnination.
Some may say that cold pizza is the nuts because of the solidifying of the cheese. Sure, it sucks when you’re faced with the problem of stretchy, warm cheese that continually slips off of the slice. So perhaps by slowing down some molecular, gooey movement in the chilly recesses of the fridge, the problem is avoided, and the avoidance of such a problem serves as another tally in the plus column of cold pizza’s plus and delta chart.
But while these aforementioned reasons are quintessential in considering cold pizza’s dominance over its warmer counterpart, there is one reason that trumps them all. I don’t have to do any work to eat cold pizza, whereas obtaining a piping hot pie would necessitate ample work on my part. I’d have to find a place to get some pizza, order it, wait for it, eat it, and pay for it. Just walking to the icebox and yanking out a slice thats been chilling for some time, however, calls for just a few steps in the right direction and a quick yank of the arm.
All in all, I’m pretty sure that it’s the lack of work necessary to obtain a piece of cold pizza that makes eating it so appealing. Because, after all, everything tastes better if it’s free.
Tubular, dude
[ 2 Comments ] Posted on 12.16.04 in awesomeness, food
People give hot dogs a bad rap. I mean, they can’t help what they are; tubes of assorted meaty goodness are by their nature unable to alter their state of being.
Sure, they’re made of a bunch of different animals and wrapped into a tubular shape with some sort of edible and fleshy material. And some people may find fault in this scheme. Not I, however. I view the hot dog as one of God’s gifts to man: an unrelenting source of nourishment and disposal in one compact, easy to handle package of delight.
In thinking about it, the hot dog is actually an efficient form of disposal. What should we do with excess animal parts? If not pack them into commercially marketed tubes for public consumption, what other alternative is there? If anything, the Oscar Meyers and Hebrew Nationals of the world are saving the world from the sticky situation of not having anywhere to put its excess cow tongues.
Plus, hot dogs are really, really tasty. I feel bad for the two poor birds that were hit by the deli folk’s rock.
Two Quart Quandry
[ 4 Comments ] Posted on 10.27.04 in food
My priorities have recently become tragically skewed in a dilemma comprised of two entangling devotions.
Today, the lovely Ms. Lauren Parker instant messaged me with the oh-so-wonderful news that she had her first glass of eggnog of the new autumn season. Particularly excited about the fact that T.G. Lee has bestowed upon all of society the sweet nectar that is nog, I rushed to Publix to pay for my $3.69 half gallon jug of the essence of God.
But then I began to think as I stepped onto the scale in the store. Since summer, I lost 20 pounds. And because eggnog is particularly fattening and I love it, I reached this inevitable conflict of interests: do I disregard my outward appearance for the sake of the tastiness of the nog or do I watch my weight and drift daily through life depriving myself of my one true love of the winter months?
Oh, woe is me.