News to no one
[ No Comments ] Posted on 11.19.07 in awesomeness, food
This just in: fried turkey is God’s gift to man.
Coming up after the break, we’ll tell you about the wonders of homemade fudge.
And now this…
Tang: America’s Premier Powdered Beverage
[ 3 Comments ] Posted on 07.18.07 in bliss, food
I know that I alluded to my unfathomable love and adoration towards it a couple weeks ago, but my sweet Jesus. I love Tang.
(Upon writing that last sentence, I realized that some folks might misconstrue my love for Tang. While I’m sure that Tang as a derivative of “poontang” is equally as gratifying and probably way better than the kick in a glass, I’m referring to the drink that makes me feel like an astronaut. Thanks to Urban Dictionary for that definition.)
No, friends, I am talking about the greatest invention since sliced bread. Eh, scratch that. You know what? It’s better than sliced bread. Yeah, I said it. Tang is just that good.
It’s a strange thing, the love a man can have for a drink. Some folks are scotch men. Some guys sit back with a chilled bottle of some random imported beer. And there are those (and these really annoy me) who swish their glass of Cabernet Sauvignon under their noses before they take the girliest sip in the world. Me? I drink Tang.
It’s a fruit juice. But it’s not.
It’s orange soda. But it’s not.
No, Tang is more than that. Tang is more than some ordinary prefabricated drink. Tang is a gift from the God Dionysus’ teetotaling younger brother, Neil Armstrong. Tang is what the 1980 US ice hockey team drank between the second and third quarters during their match against the dirty Reds. Tang is what Popeye wishes he had instead of Spinach.
Too bad it wasn’t invented back then.
Don’t be a chicken
[ 4 Comments ] Posted on 01.31.07 in college, food
Once upon a time, I was away from home and living with my brother, so I thought it would be a prudent idea to mosey on down to the local Publix and buy some food we could eat.
Oh, I filled my cart to the brim with all sorts of fantastic treats: Pop Tarts, Chef Boyardee, Hot Pockets, and frozen pizza.
I tried to balance that complete lack of consideration for my health with some not-so-awful things: bagels (with extra cream cheese!), bottled water, and, last but not least – the crème de la crème of my sojourn to the grocery – real honest-to-goodness chicken breast.
This was in August. All of these things have gone by the wayside (read: spoiled or into my stomach). However, to this day, if you come to my humble abode, meander into the kitchen, make your way to the icebox, yank on the freezer door, move the half-empty bag of ice towards the bottom, and rummage into our meat storage bin, you will find a couple of chicken breasts as hard as rocks and as inedible as, well, rocks.
All right. Lesson learned. Only buy food that can be cooked and done away with in 30 seconds. Thanks, college!