You're a towel!

April 25th, 2006 / #observations, #random

A couple of years ago, I became fortunate enough to stumble across a particular towel in my linen closet. It was blue, big enough to make a skirt of absorption in which I could roam the house under the guise of actually being clothed, and best of all, it was absorbent.

I’ve found that in life, about 98% of towels made are not absorbent; they merely sop up the water from your skin and become a slosh of fibers and hard water from the shower. But this one, it’s different. I can dry every inch of every crevice of my wet and naked body without having to switch to another towel.

Now, I’m afraid that my beloved blue angel is no more. Mom convinced me to send Towlie to the great washing machine in the sky. It was time, though – he was tattered and torn so much that you would think Ive been using him to dry my pet porcupine.

In the meantime, I’ve switched to another towel. And while this one is much larger (I can envelop myself like a human burrito), it lacks the principle quality of absorption that I’ve taken for granted during the last two years of my high school career. This upsets me, so I think I will protest the absence of an acceptable drying device in my home by not showering for a while. Then, maybe someone with whom I reside will notice the wretched stench and toss a suitable towel my way.

And no, I do not have a pet porcupine.

There is only one comment. Add to the marketplace of ideas!

  1. Hot Chrissy spoke up on April 26, 2006.

    Cartman: You just have no long-term memory ’cause you get high all the time!
    Towelie: Don’t preach to me, fatso!
    Cartman: I can preach to you all I want, ’cause you’re stupid!
    Towelie: You’re stupid!
    Cartman: Yeah, and you’re a towel!
    Towelie: You’re a towel!

    I am convinced that you wrote this blog because you wanted to title something “You’re a towel!”.

Sorry, but comments are closed. Some things are best said in a vacuum.

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