Riding the storm out
[ 2 Comments ] Posted on 09.02.04 in hurricanes, letters
Dear Hurricane Frances,
While I know that you’re wreaking havoc and destroying much that lies in your path, I would like to extend a warm welcome to Florida. I know that you’re getting a bad wrap about all the damage you cause; I understand that it’s your nature to spin and release fury upon all who dare to build their lives upon the feeble sands in the tropics, and I respect that you have the inalienable right to remain a hurricane, even in the midst of such animosity against you influenced by the biased media.
This letter is probably different than others you’ve received as of late, in that its intent is neither to disgrace your very nature nor to beg your mercy, but to thank you for all you do for us. Only you would have the genius to strike at such an opportune time for Pinellas County schoolchildren. Your welcome party coupled with Labor Day awards us with a four day weekend. You, my friend, are an asset to societal schedules, and for this, I thank you. Hurricane Frances, you are my friend.
Love,
Casey
P.S. While I respect your power, I don’t particularly want to be negatively affected by it. May I suggest Cuba? Nobody likes Cuba.
Crass Commercialism
[ 1 Comment ] Posted on 08.30.04 in politics, television
I’m sick and tired of it all. Note that this is not some melodramatic wane of teenage angst that is so common in blogging these days. What I’m upset about is being pummeled constantly for about a month every two years with political ads – on television, on the radio, and in print. It’s almost too much to bear. Tomorrow is the Republican Primary, where GOP candidates will be weeded out to make for probable Republican victory in November.
I don’t consider myself to be a Republican, but if I were, this guy would be my choice for Senate.
All the other commercials say pretty much the same thing:
“I am a conservative. President Bush likes me. I hate the terrorists. Don’t you? You don’t? Then you must be a terrorist. Here, you can absolve yourself by putting one of these nifty ‘God Bless America’ bumper stickers on your fender.”
But this fellow, he knows how to appeal to me aesthetically: Lawyers dropping into an endless watery abyss, his two major opponents in M&M form bouncing onto the screen, and a well made-up face to boot. (Listen closely when his opponents come onscreen and you can hear a squishy, bouncy noise. Brilliant!)
In closing, this Web site would like to officially support Doug Gallagher for one of Florida’s Senate seats in the Republican Primary election tomorrow. Now won’t that be print worthy on future ads?
Unlisted Numbers
[ 3 Comments ] Posted on 08.27.04 in IB, food, girls, high school, random
And now, I present to the masses a list of unrelated thoughts to compensate for my week of debloggification:
1. Sometimes I forget to turn the knob before walking through doors. I understand that without such a crucial action, the whole process is doomed; I just have other things on my mind when walking through doors. I can only assume it’s because I like to think about what I will do when I get to the other side of the door and force the inner monologue of actually getting out to the back burner of my mind.
2. Frozen pizza is better than hot pizza. I think that when I’m old and living in a Miamian condominium, I’ll just order an extra large pie and refrigerate it for lunch every day of the ensuing week. Then I can save my money for more important things, like my senior’s coffee at McDonald’s for 65 cents.
3. I should probably start my Higher Level History paper comparing and contrasting the Mexican Independence Movement and the Haitian Revolution. Or perhaps I could hire a Mexican to write it for me. Either that or a Haitian. If they cooperated, I’d have an outstandingly accurate paper – what better primary source than an immigrant who’s Great Grandpappy Randolfo actually participated in the bloodshed? Either way, it has to be in Burton’s hand in a little over two weeks.
4. Whoever decided to paint the school while classes are in session should be severely punished. I’ve seen many a damsel in distress with paint on her because of unmarked wet paint. It’s like a severely misapplied case of the Scarlet Letter. Except it’s paint, not scarlet. And more of a blob of blue than a letter. And to receive this letter, you don’t have to be as kinky. On second thought, it’s nothing like the Scarlet Letter.
5. I met these two girls in the courtyard during lunch the other day. From afar, I spotted one of them accidentally drop some spare change. So I sprung into action and dashed the forty feet to their midst and dove to pick up the coins for them, as they had their hands full and were wearing garb that would not be flattering to bend over in. I retrieved the three coins and gave them to one of the young ladies saying, “Here’s your sixty cents,” and ran away again, out of sight. That’s the last I’ve seen of them.
6. Potato turbate would be more appetizing if they changed the name. No one wants to eat turbate.