Four Strings of Pure Sex
[ 3 Comments ] Posted on 03.05.07 in girls, music
It took me 19 years to come to terms with the fact that I have small hands; hands so small, in fact, that I can’t really aspire to become a world class guitarist to make girls like me. So, I’m making the best of the unpleasantness of my outrageously tiny hands and learning to play the mandolin. It’s like a guitar, only smaller and with four strings.
So, I guess that would be attractive to some girls, right? Maybe little midget women or something.
The Obligatory Hope
[ No Comments ] Posted on 03.04.07 in Rays, baseball, bliss
There are few things in the world that affect me mentally like professional sports. Now, I don’t want you to think that I’m some sort of jock type that cares only about beating the other guy to a pulp. If you know me, you know that I’m far from a jock. And if you know of my favorite teams, you know that beating anything to a pulp is far from what they are capable.
No, I love my sports teams because they give me an outlet for my emotion. I love my sports teams because, as Humphrey Bogart once said, a hot dog at the ball park is better than a steak at the Ritz. I love my sports teams because they let me forget about the world and lose myself in a vast expanse of competition, if only for three hours.
Folks, baseball season is here. I was never a serious baseball fan until a few years ago. But now, in spite of my love for the worst team in the league, it is here. And, at the beginning of a season, one is incapable of feeling anything but extreme optimism.
So, this is it: this is my post of extreme optimism. I think we will shock the world this year. I think we will leave the mouths of the Fenway faithful agape. I think we will blow away the Bronx Bombers. I say it right here and now. Our pitching will make nothing short of a monumental turnaround and come October, we will still be playing.
Because, after all, you have to have hope, right?
I only write these absurd thoughts because during this upcoming year, when we’re approaching 90 losses, I’d like to be able to look back on this post and remember why I come back. I want to remember that in spite of their lack of talent, the Rays have a whole lot of heart.
Sway with the breeze
[ 1 Comment ] Posted on 02.25.07 in hurricanes, observations
I never noticed before, but from my windows in the distance you can see two very tall, very skinny pine trees. They have no needles until you get about 150 feet in the air. They’re swaying kind of violently now. My across the street neighbors are pretty lucky that we don’t get hurricanes very often here in Gainesville, because I could literally knock down those trees with an oscillating table fan. I would just need a pretty long extension cord.