My spoon is too big

Posted on 09.12.04 5:03PM in observations, random

In pondering what the greatest eating utensil is (barring the spork, which isn’t a true instrument of consumption in that it is a hybrid first created in a laboratory), I’ve considered them all. I thought about forks, knives, and chop sticks; but I’ve decided that the MVP of the dinner table is most decidedly the spoon.

They’re useful for most any purpose under the sun: scooping, stirring, and even the occasional cutting of especially tender delights.

Most mashed and soft foods that I consider to be in the “mounded” category are perfect for the spoon. From ice cream to mashed potatoes, the spoon shows them who’s boss by shoveling them from their temporary housing on the good china to the acidic realm of your mouth.

Lemonade and iced tea which lack the cavity fuel necessary to make our human bodies go can be stirred with a healthy dosage of sugar by the spoon. There are even spoons with long handles for that sort of thing. How thoughtful of the spoon manufacturers to make such entities as to not force moist stirring hands.

And when spoons can be use din unconventional ways, they truly show their necessity. Cheesecake is no match for the edge of a spoon, which can act as a replacement knife if it was accidentally taken away with your entree plate. Spoons can oft times be used in the place of forks, as well. When there is no fork readily available, the spoon comes to the rescue and, while not poking to grasp (which, by the way, can be an impediment to retaining the natural juice and flavor in some meats), the spoon shovels the food to the warm recesses of within your pie hole. Yes, spoons truly shine when given seemingly impossible eating situations that otherwise would not be achieved without them.

In conclusion, I salute you, spoon. You are this year’s recipient of the Most Valuable Eating Utensil Award. May your days from now on be long and prosperous, and may you keep up the good work concerning all things food. Thank you.

Read Comments

  1. Posted by Trizis on 10.15.05 at 15:51:12

    Oddly have considered this myself, and i came to almost the same exact conclusions. I, however used these conclusions to decide one major thing. The spork needs to be more fully utilized to its ability. I will make a restaurant where you get 2 sporks and a knife, nothing more. A fancy restaurant at that, with metal sporks, never seen one of those. Pity. That’s all. Thank you for a reason to sharethis info, look for my restaurant folks. Suggestions on names? Night.

  2. Posted by Kyle on 10.15.05 at 15:51:39

    I used to have a metal spork that was not only a spoon and a fork but also a butter knife it was truly grand.

  3. Posted by Angus on 10.15.05 at 15:52:00

    You’re all losers…

  4. Posted by Casey on 10.15.05 at 15:52:29

    Angus must be affiliated with the steak knife camp.

  5. Posted by Trizis on 10.15.05 at 15:52:50

    They don’t use silverware in West Virginia, do they? didn’t evolve that far yet.

  6. Posted by Vince on 10.15.05 at 15:53:06

    i would have to agree that the spork is by far the best, the spoon sucks compared to the almighty spork.

  7. Posted by Angus on 10.15.05 at 15:53:28

    On the contrary Trizis we have evolved beyond the spoon or the spork…

  8. Posted by Freaquency on 10.15.05 at 15:53:50

    Why isn’t a spork called a foon? How did they decide what to name it? One of the mysteries of the universe…

  9. Posted by youre_a_smelly_thing on 10.15.05 at 15:54:21

    in my humble opinion…

    …it is easy to see/explain why the spoon would be so incredibly victorious, but (pardon me if I get a little prolix) the impetus behind your fascination with the spoon is perhaps your cupidity for convenience. i feel that very little would be needed to vitiate a spoon and thus make it ineffective. For instance, once a spoon is bent, it no longer operates at its optimal performing level… and as far as its ability to scoop large amount of food at one time, don’t you think that this is perhaps a bit puerile?

    I do, however, feel it would be rude of me to impugn the spoon’s ability as mveu (most valuable eating utensil) without supplying my own nomination for mveu. The knife is useful for many, many things. First, you can cut things. This might seem a bit obvious, but … it’s true. And not only does it cut meat, but it cuts cake, bread, cheese… everything you can imagine. Even nonfood items. Then, of course… the knife can spread things. For instance- peanut butter. If you use a spoon to spread peanut butter (it is possible, I know), the pb ends up getting stuck in the top groove making it hard to remove and spread, therefore creating quite the mess and disallowing for smooth pb spreading. Other things to spread: jelly, jam, butter, margarine, I can’t believe it’s not butter, other non-butter butter-like products, etc… you get the point. … the knife is a VERY effective method of defense. Should someone attack you while you’re enjoying your meal (one that you worked very hard to afford..), you can always stab this person. Try stabbing someone with a spoon. A spoon does not allow for defense when you’re attacked during a meal… just a though. I could go on… can you open a package with a spoon? Do you carry a spoon in the form of a “pocket spoon” on your belt? Do dare-devil jugglers juggle with spoons? I mean.. here, we have entertainment, protection, package-opening, eating, and spreading covered… MVEU… the spoon is only for eating, but the knife.. It’s uses are sundry.

    Please pardon my temerity… I thought your argument in favor of spoons was rather facetious and adroit, but utterly biased in favor of spoons for unfair reasons.

    -allllliiisssssonnnnnny

  10. Posted by Kristine on 10.15.05 at 15:55:09

    i wish u luck on your history paper since the last time i talked to u u only had one sentence written. o and dont worry there were no hot lesbian sex at laurens tonight…her siblings were home…damn them!

  11. Posted by Sofia on 10.15.05 at 15:55:30

    on the topic of spoons, i was wondering if anyone has the link to the cartoon ‘My Spoon is Too big’? i desperately need it.
    email it indi_gogirl@hotmail.com, or post please
    thanks

  12. Posted by beefy on 10.15.05 at 15:55:54

    yeh yeh i need it too! please please PLEASE post a link if yu have it..or add me to msn roxy_babe_4ever@hotmail.com thanks!

  13. Posted by Jordash on 06.03.06 at 00:54:10

    The movie can be found at http://www.angelfire.com/ar3/adamr/, it’s called rejected, awesome movie BTW.

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