Life is just a beach so far out of reach
Posted on 05.22.04 4:31PM in complaints, friends, funny stories
Last night I went to Egle’s party at the Den. Nice place (especially because we had the Hockey game on). I gave her a nice present wrapped in pretty rose wrapping paper with a potato and twenty bucks inside. Also included was this note:
All my life, I’ve envied girls who go to birthday parties and get their friends intricate, complicated, and personal gifts that just suit their style. I’ve always been the typical guy, throwing 20 bucks at the birthday girl and eating cake. But not this year. This year, I made it a point to try to get a gift for you; something thoughtful that you would really enjoy. In efforts of giving you the perfect present, I asked myself, “What do I know about Egle?” It was then that I realized I don’t know all that much about you, except that you’re Lithuanian. I had a great idea: I’d give you the country’s main agricultural product as sort of a memento, a reminder of the great motherland. So, after a quick trip to Google, I found that the main agricultural export of Lithuania is grain. After searching high and low, near and far, I couldn’t find any to give to you. Apparently they don’t sell raw wheat here in the U.S., one of the largest wheat economies of the known world. I did the next best thing and included the second most populous agricultural export of Lithuania, the potato. But then I realized and said to myself, “Self, you’re giving the girl a potato.” So here’s 20 bucks.
Today I took advantage of the environment I take for granted and, like a real Floridian, I went to the beach. This experience has only reaffirmed my opinion that the beach is an inefficient, silly place to go.
First, you have to wait in gobs of traffic, which wasn’t so bad today, because we took a detour down Drew Street, behind Coachman Park and bypassed downtown traffic. After averting the roundabout, we traveled up to North Beach and set up camp.
Now, think about this logically with me.
Every year, millions of tourists come to bask in the light of the single brightest object in our solar system, which has been proven to cause skin cancer. No big deal – after all, we’re on vacation.
Every year, millions of tourists come to swim in our sea. Well, technically it’s a gulf, filled with bacteria and harmful animals. No big deal – after all, we’re on vacation.
Every year, millions of tourists come to lay down in our sand. Sand, which I might add, that the city of Clearwater spends millions on each year to be trucked in and spread due to our deteriorating coastline. No big deal – after all, we’re on vacation.
Every year, millions of tourists come to buy our outrageously overpriced merchandise. I’m not saying that this is necessarily bad, but when I have to pay $2.25 for a coke at Pier 60, I’m gonna start complaining. But no big deal – after all, we’re on vacation.
It’s an odd concept, this “beach.” People go to sit on a field of dirt and to swim in the world’s toilet. I’d much rather be sitting home, in the air conditioning, with a cold drink by my side.
Now, I’m not bashing the beach, don’t get me wrong. Tourism is this city’s main income and because of Joe from Chicago wanting to give me all of his money, the roads are paved where I live and my life is generally more pleasant. I merely cannot comprehend what would make the beach an attractive place to go. Perhaps if I lived in Topeka, Kansas, I would feel differently and I would despise my city’s… corn.
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Posted by Angus on 10.15.05 at 15:03:47
Potato eh? Casey I thought we agreed on card and 20 bucks. But no you had to go and outdo me. Bahhumbug! Anywho next time I go to the store I will ask for a potato harvested in Lithuania… and then they will look at me wierd… there would be an awkward blank stare… and then they would ask what part of Asia Lituania is in. Oh and for those of you who insist that you should “shake it like a polaroid picutre” read it and weep
Posted by Casey on 10.15.05 at 15:04:16
Dude, Lithuania is in Europe.
Lithuania lies in the eastern Europe, on the coast of the Baltic Sea. In the north Lithuania borders with Latvia, in the east and south with Byelorussia, in the south-west with Poland and with the Kaliningrad region of the Russian Federation.
Posted by Angus on 10.15.05 at 15:04:36
Apparently you missed the whole point of my joke. I know and you know that it is a country formed after World War I that used to be a part of Russia that Germany and Russia fought over during the war. But to a common person who doesn’t know better they wouldn’t even know what continent it lies on.
Posted by Casey on 10.15.05 at 15:05:01
Oh. I see. Clever joke.
After the Cold War and the disassembly of the USSR, Lithuania relatively recently gained independence (In March, 1990 Lithuania was the first republic to claim independence from the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics). However, the Communist movement also severely disrupted Lithuania’s economy. Prior to the Cold War, Lithuania was a farm rich nation, producing much wheat and grains, but during Socialist rule, the economy became dependent on producing both light and heavy metals for her mother state, Russia. The natural resources of Lithuania are few, so industry remains the main economic influx for this small country of 3.6 million.
Posted by Angus on 10.15.05 at 15:05:19
So Lithuania was Russia’s bitch? Egle, you better stay away from Nakita, you never know when he will kidnap you and put you into slavery for heavy metals… but don’t worry because if you do Nakita will find that he isn’t making much money and will pursue a free economy that will… damn its hard to compare people to nations…
Posted by Katie on 10.15.05 at 15:05:42
For the record, Kansas produces far more wheat than corn. (And I live about half an hour from Topeka.) Topeka’s industrial enough, though. Not many farmers live in town.
Posted by Laurie on 10.15.05 at 15:06:09
I love the thoughtful idea. I was always the girl no one could shop for. $20 was my usual gift from guys. Glad you put some thought into it.