Public Restrooms
Posted on 05.10.04 4:26PM in complaints, observations
By their very nature, public restrooms are very awkward places.
If you’re a guy, urinals have the capability to backfire on you. Sure, they’re convenient. Sure, they don’t require a lot of work on your part, but they have the potential of disaster. I’m not complaining about the fixtures themselves; running water is a commodity that we as a society could never teach ourselves to live without. However, the people who indulge in the porcelain handiness can make your experience a nightmare.
It never fails: Sometime in your life you’ll be standing there, minding your own business, when all of a sudden he comes in. Sure, there’s a row of twelve urinals and you’re the only one in the bathroom, but he takes it upon himself to come and do his business right next to you.
It’s not like a Boy Scout helping a little old lady across the street to earn his Merit Badge or anything, but this fellow apparently thinks you need help. You’re nervous and you want to empty yourself as quickly as possible to alleviate the tension between you and this overly friendly stranger who’s exposing himself just eight inches from you, but the stress that has just been created makes you stop. You can’t do it. Thus, the encounter is elongated.
The worst kind of neighbor is the talker.
“How about those Mets?”
“Some weather we’re having.”
I’m not at all an unsociable person; if someone talks to me on the street or in the local convenience store, I’ll converse with him, if only for a short time. But this is taking it too far. When a man is doing his thing in the only place he sees fit, when he’s gotten an iota of time to himself, it is simply deplorable for another to ruin that solitude.
But no matter, you stand there… waiting. Waiting for something to happen. You’re not quite sure what – for your newfound friend to leave, for you to get the courage to bolt, for a ton of bricks to fall on your neighbor’s head, something.
But then what? After you’re done, do you stick around to wash your hands? That would make the encounter even longer. But if you don’t you risk being thought less of by the others in the room. Either way you’ll have to make some sort of sacrifice, which makes bathrooms a social disaster for men.
But it’s not just for men, oh no. Women have it rough, too, sitting in those little stalls with so much to worry about:
What if someone peeks through the 1 inch crack between the door and the wall of the stall? Will you smile, ignore it, or make some quip about looking at your crack?
What if the lock fails and someone swings the door wide open? After that, will you have to hold the door closed with one leg as an added reinforcement?
What if you run out of toilet paper? Do you call to the person in the stall next to you and violate the unwritten law of no talking in bathrooms?
The woman’s restroom is a ticking time bomb for disaster, just like men’s. A hoard of strange people cramming into poorly kept, unclean rooms and emptying themselves is not my idea of fun. Potential confrontation with the unknown masses scares me, and that is why bathrooms are strange, weird places.
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Posted by Angus on 10.15.05 at 14:56:38
So basically you are saying you have a small penis and the guy next to you made you uncomfortable because compared to you the size of his penis was very large. Its ok, we can’t all be manly men…
Posted by Casey on 10.15.05 at 14:57:08
Yeah, that’s pretty much it.
Curses to the Peterson gene
Posted by Lorie on 10.15.05 at 14:57:34
Women are weirder about the restroom. We’ll gladly hand paper under the stalls. I guess the only thing weird about women in the restroom. #2 just seems so unladylike to accomplish in a ladies restroom, while other women are glamming up for a big date, etc.
Posted by Taryn on 10.15.05 at 14:58:01
Well, why do you think girls go to the bathroom together?
Posted by Angus on 10.15.05 at 14:58:23
That brings about interesting thoughts…
Posted by Taryn on 10.15.05 at 14:58:40
Which brings about uncomfortable visuals, thanks but no thanks Angoose
Posted by Nathan T on 10.15.05 at 14:59:15
SON
not only is it weird when ppl start talkin or lookin at my huge pepe, BUT, when i gotta piss so bad and i dont take the time to concentrate on the RIGHT SPOT to piss on in the urinal, i just shoot at a random point, and guess what happens, MY HANDS MY BELT MY PHONE even MY WATCH all dotted with little piss droplets, yea i sed it, PISS DROPLETS how the fuck am i supposed to cope w. that?
huh?
yea didnt think so
and another thing
this is why im scared of goin to the RR in a urinal, so i go in a stall, and what do i do
thats rite…
i get a stream goin, then decide to do 360 spins dancing around in the stall, WHY? cuz i can i got a door bitch
and what happens… the piss gets thru the little one inch crack at the doors and in between the stalls so ppl dont kno what to expect or when to expect it… all i kno is that they get REALLY MAD so when they do… u gotta open the door (with a steady stream still goin of course) and just piss all over them, that way, they’re crying, and u can RUN
yea i swear this never really happened…
maybe i should keep my mouth shut from now on