Straighten up and fly right

Posted on 09.03.05 2:07PM in complaints, observations

Yesterday at lunch, I had a revelation that I decided to share with all of my classmates as they entered and exited through the left side of the double doors leading into the cafeteria. I yelled at the top of my pathetic little lungs at them, but I don’t think they noticed. So, I’ll fume about it here, which is the only place many people pay attention to my unceasing quips and clever insight.

Okay, people. It’s not hard. You drive on the right side. At a four way stop, the car to the right goes first. 90 percent of you are right-handed (or so says “Wikipedia”:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Right-handed). Your computer mouse is a right-handed device. The right side has become so well embedded into the framework of our society that it is the default direction for most common actions. Therefore, wouldn’t it make a boat load of sense to use the right side of double doors whenever you’re in a situation wherein you’ve got to make passage into a building?

Honestly, there is nothing that makes people look more stupid than a giant traffic jam around the entrance to a building that festers for a few minutes before someone realizes that the right door hasn’t been opened yet. It’s like a bunch of sheep being herded into the slaughterhouse with a mass of cattle making a break for it through the same door at the same time.

Here’s a novel thought. Why doesn’t everybody just follow primordial traffic laws when they’re walking? You know: walk on the right side, don’t speed, don’t go so slow that the people who have places to be pummel you, and, for the love of God, go through double doors on the right side.

Read Comments

  1. Posted by Trizis on 10.15.05 at 19:31:05

    although i completely agree and shove people out of my way when im going in the right door and they’re going out it, i also tend to hold the left door closed, heh…makes it funner.

  2. Posted by Hilary Christine on 10.15.05 at 19:31:46

    well if everyone obeyed the traffic laws when walking then there wouldn’t be anyone to laugh at and complain about… also then you might never get the perverse pleasure of shoving people who you secrectly despise all in the name of bad walking ediquette.

  3. Posted by Nathan T on 10.15.05 at 19:32:04

    when i was like 13, i used to walk aroudn the house with a paper plate in my hand pretending that it was a steering wheel and i was the driver. I used to make turn signal noises, revving up, brake squeaking, and yes….even honking noises whilst walking about our humble brown lair. no joke

  4. Posted by Stacey G on 10.15.05 at 19:32:40

    Do you like Lorna Bracewell?

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