It’s how you play the game
[ 4 Comments ] Posted on 07.09.05 in family, funny stories
If you’ve never played The Penis Game, you are either above the age of 20 or a total loser. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the sport, here’s a quick 411:
One person says the word “penis” in a public place. Another person, having accepted Player One’s challenge, then says “penis” at a higher decibel. In variations of the game, another person is generally the unofficial judge and confirms whether or not Player Two’s exclamation was louder. The two players each repeat their turns and the loser is the person who lacks the confidence to continue shouting the sullied word.
Now, my family is a unique bunch. We’ve been playing for years, and my mother is almost always our competition. She never misses a good round of The Penis Game.
Yesterday, the family was in the state capitol, and when we entered the solemn sanctuary known as the Florida Supreme Court, I couldn’t help myself. I nudged my mom and the contest was on.
Though the game was very short lived (as my mother was far too embarrassed to play in such a setting), it was very exciting. Needless to say, after all was said and done, I was the champion. Yes, folks, that’s right – I was the victor in the highest court in the State of Florida.
That’s one down, 49 to go.
Cheesed off
[ 7 Comments ] Posted on 07.06.05 in complaints, food
When I was a little kid, I was always wary of eating salad. If it was green and was not covered with melted cheddar cheese, there was never usually a good chance that such an item would come within a foot of my mouth.
In my old age, though, I’ve matured a little bit. If I am eating at a restaurant and my dinner comes with a salad, I can manage to swallow it while washing it down with a nice vinaigrette.
However, I cannot bring myself to eat garden salads. My ideal salad is basically a bowl of lettuce with croûtons and a sufficiently fattening dressing. I have nothing against garden salads in regards to their content except for one item.
When the chef takes those little strips of carrots and showers my salad with them, my basic instinct (or wishful thinking, whichever you prefer) says, “Oooh! Cheese!”
Oh no, my friends. It’s just carrot. Yuck.
Cut it out
[ 3 Comments ] Posted on 07.03.05 in food
This past week as I was making myself a turkey sandwich, I thought to myself, “Gee, self: you should write a blog entry concerning the merits of the diagonal sandwich cut as opposed to the horizontal.”
Days have since passed, and I have not yet mustered (no pun intended) up the energy to preach from my digital soapbox against the sins of boring sandwich cutting. There’s what summer will do to a kid.