As if I’m not creepy enough
[ No Comments ] Posted on 03.28.07 in cars, college, observations
As we speak, it appears that Ive got some new neighbors moving into the two story house across the street on the corner. It’s a really nice house; I’ve always wanted more than one story in my abode, but thus far, no luck.
From what I saw yesterday, the current residents had a few big, burly black men taking all of their stuff and putting it in some big trucks. Then drove up a woman of about 55 and what I can only assume is her daughter, who looks to be in her early to mid 20s. I could be wrong about these ages, though, as I spent the majority of the day like the neighbor who lived across the street from Sam and Darren in Bewitched – peeking out of my blinds to try to put together some idea of who these people are.
Anyhow, they’re moving in now and some bald young fellow just pulled up in a light blue old-person-sedan-type car. If he is my competition for the love of this fair maiden, I’ve totally got him beat. A Ford Focus could outsex a Mercury Grand Marquis any day.
Thanks a lot, Mother Nature
[ 4 Comments ] Posted on 07.11.06 in cars, random
I love my car. It may not be the fastest set of wheels on the road (I sold that car a few months ago, sadly), but it’s a lovable little car. She’s black, sleek, and roomy. What’s probably most important is the fact that she’s mine. It is for this reason that I trust nobody with her. I keep her clean as a whistle, too. There are no little bits of paper in the storage compartments, no crumbs in the cracks of the seats, and when there’s too much dirt on the floor of the car, I know that it’s time for a cleaning. But I don’t just vacuum, I give my car the most deluxe automotive spa treatment available. I let nobody else do this for fear of their screwing up my tried and tested cleaning schedule.
First, I give the car a hose down. Then comes the standard wash (I’ve used a variety of products for this, but I’ve found that most of them are pretty much the same. So, I use Zip Wax car wash formula by Turtle Wax.). I hit the roof of the car, go down to the rear window and work on the windshield. Lather and rinse. Then, I get the sides, one by one, and finally scrub the hood and trunk area. Lather and rinse. Then I dry, windows first and body second. I then use Meguiar’s Back to Black formula on my plastic car parts, door handles and the rear view mirror cases. Next, I use Turtle Wax’s specialized automotive window cleaner on all glass of my car, inside and outside. Then, I go for Turtle Wax’s wheel shine formula on each of my wheels, followed by tire gloss of the same brand. Finally, I go to the interior and use Armor All on every inch of the cabin. This rubdown is followed by a thorough vacuuming of all parts of the interior (trunk space included!).
I know that last paragraph was long and monotonous to read. I just want to convey to you the insane amount of work I put into my car today in hopes that the next sentence will have a profound effect on you and that you understand my extreme anger and agony:
It is now raining.
Nobody can drive but me
[ 7 Comments ] Posted on 06.30.06 in cars, complaints
Plato once said, “You are young, my son, and, as the years go by, time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions. Refrain therefore awhile from setting yourself up as a judge of the highest matters.”
Sorry, P-Daddy, but I’ve got a hankerin’ for some good old fashioned judging. Today’s defendant: the 60% of drivers out there who refuse to use their turn signal. It’s a real shame to drive down the boulevard to have a 2006 Ford Mustang cut right in front of you with not so much as a glimmer of the blinker. A nice car like that doesn’t have turn signals? I’d take that automobile right back to the shop so one of the helpful associates can take a look at the broken taillights.
I can see the argument against using turn signals when changing lanes – it’s not the law. Actually, my driving deviant friend, it is. The government here in the Sunshine State fixed this problem a while back. Observe:
“You must use hand signals or directional signals to show that you are about to turn. Turn signals are required when changing lanes or overtaking a vehicle.” (Courtesy of the Florida Driver’s Handbook)
Now, if your carelessness was actually a product of being misinformed, consider yourself informed. If your carelessness is a product of your disregard for anyone and everyone around you, I’d like to propose a hypothetical scenario.
You’re driving along. A Mac truck is in the lane ahead of you. A Mercedes merges into the gap created between you and Trucker Pete without using its turn signal. You narrowly evade death by swerving into the emptiness created by the Mercedes’ old lane. And while you may be safe, you are peeved. You spew angry words of hate, the likes of which your mother would never have uttered within 100 yards of her kitchen, and a fire of hatred builds in your heart. Mr. Mercedes speeds along his merry affluent way, while you’re left with an ulcer the size of a watermelon caused by the stress of the incident. Don’t you think the Mercedes could have used a blinker so that you would have ample time to either create room for the merge or speed up and ruin his day? And if he can go ahead and hit that lever on the side of the steering column, don’t you think you could return the favor?
I’m just saying that once everybody starts to drive in a uniform manner, more people will live longer as a result of reduced accidents and far fewer stress-induced sicknesses.