Exams drive me to do crazy things

[ No Comments ] Posted on 12.07.07 in college, observations

If you go to the University of Florida, I’m sure you’re familiar with TutoringZone. I had never before used their services – a four hour lecture that tells you everything you need to know for a myriad of classes – until I realized that my statistics test is Saturday and I have yet to watch any class on the Internet.

Whoops.

But there I went, into the green room with a few hundred of my closest friends, where I actually learned. It was epic.

Oh, and I counted. The guy who taught the review dropped the F-bomb 127 times. Awesome.

All umpires are God awful.

[ No Comments ] Posted on 11.13.07 in college, friends, sports

Well, much like last year, the Red Devil Gators’ season has come to an end in what you would call a “less than ideal” way. We lost our playoff game tonight, but it wasn’t all for naught.

Ladies and Gentlemen, we made it into the second round of the playoffs – having played only two games. See, two of our four regularly-scheduled games were rained out. We won one of the games we played and lost one in a very close fashion. Then, the team that we were to play in the first round of the playoffs decided not to show up for our round one game. So there we were earlier this evening, with our pride and ambition almost bubbling over. Then our season ended the same way it did last year: we lost a playoff game to a team comprised of what I can only guess are thirty year old alumni in a hotly contested match up officiated by some of the worst umpires on earth.

And I don’t mean for this to sound like sore loserdom or anything, but I swear to God: the first base umpire was watching the game on the field next to ours the entire night. I am disappointed to know that my university’s recreation department does not have higher standards for such a paid position. Of course, sucking at everything in life is sort of a prerequisite when becoming an umpire on any level.

Ah well, c’est la vie. We wouldn’t have won even if Mr. I-Could-Give-Two-Flying-Flips-About-Your-Game were paying attention.

Either way, we will be back, because Red Devil Gators Softball never sleeps.

Boat shoes look stupid, anyway

[ 3 Comments ] Posted on 08.23.07 in college, complaints

Today was the first day of classes of the fall term, and what would another milestone in my academic journey be without a list of complaints? Failure, that’s what.

  • The parking situation on campus is ridiculous. It’s ridiculous that there are so few parking spaces on campus. It’s ridiculous that we all try to park there. It’s ridiculous that none of the obscene amounts of money the university is spending (i.e. on Urban Meyer’s new office, a new hub, etc.) are going to build me a giant, multi-story, non-restricted parking lot in the middle of campus. Ridiculous.
  • Hey, God. It’s about a bajillion degrees outside. I’m wondering if you could, you know, cool that down just a tad for us. Because thanks to Bernie, we have to walk miles and miles from the one parking lot we can use to any location that we might need to be.
  • And no, I am not interested in joining your fraternity. I’m not interested in giving you thousands of dollars for the opportunity to be someone’s slave for a semester. I’m not interested in going anywhere wearing a long sleeved, pastel-colored shirt and tie with my sunglasses on the back of my neck. I don’t want to pop my collar or be best friends with some of the most ridiculously egotistical and rude guys I will ever meet. I wouldn’t like to control all of student government, effectively making it a one-party system. Oh, and I definitely am not interested in forcing myself to swallow the crock that is “brotherhood” amongst the Greek Community. It’s all very, very overrated.

    Oh, and sorority girls are not much better. True, they are very, very nice to look at. But then, once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. If you answer “yes” to all six of these questions, you’re probably in a sorority:

    1. Am I attractive?
    2. Am I a total bitch?
    3. Do I wear dresses to sporting events at which I feign understanding of the aforementioned sport?
    4. Do I like boys in fraternities?
    5. Do I own at least one pair of giant, counterfeit (or real) sunglasses by Coco Chanel and/or a counterfeit (or real) bag by Vera Bradley?
    6. Would I never, under any circumstances, even talk to Casey Peterson?

    There, that should do it. Simple enough. If you scored a 100% on this test – and trust me when I say that this is the only time you will ever score a 100% on anything but a breathalyzer – you are probably in a sorority. Congratulations! I’ll see you in a few years after you get ugly like the rest of us.

    Yes, I know that’s not how breathalysers are measured. Yes, I know that both my description of fraternities and sororities fail to cite all of that (mandated) community outreach and good stuff they do. Yes, I am clearly bitter. And yes, indeed, I know that this is a vast generalization of the circumstances and that not everyone involved with Greek Life fills the above descriptions. But an overwhelmingly apparent majority does. I hope the few good, kind-hearted and modest souls who understand that they aren’t above everyone else can save the Greek system and make it not look so utterly ridiculous.

    Now, I would like to add the disclaimer that many of my friends from high school and some I have made during my tenure here at UF are in or are rushing in both fraternities and sororities. And to them, I wish the best of luck. I sincerely wish they don’t end up like the folks I’ve outlined above. And for the most part, they haven’t. They’re genuinely good, caring, and unique individuals. I just hope they don’t come to contribute to the stereotype in the years to come.

    • Next Entries » « Previous Entries