Well worth the 41 cents
[ No Comments ] Posted on 10.09.07 in Rays, baseball, letters
A couple of weeks ago, I sent Bud Selig a letter. It was done in magic marker and I used a fake name to make me sound more like a seven year old and basically asked if it were possible for me, despite my age to become a Major League Umpire. I promised him that I would never make a correct call at first base when officiating Devil Rays games and that I would completely rape the idea of strike zone consistency. I also drew him two pictures, one of a Rays baserunner’s foot on the bag and the first baseman nowhere near the base with me (dressed as an umpire) calling him out and another picture of an eyeball, heart, and Bud’s face (I <3 Bud Selig).
I was surprised when he wrote me back on official MLB letterhead and everything:
Dear Alex:
Thank you for your letter.
While I know you were a little sarcastic in your comments about umpires, I happen to think the umpires do an excellent job. Incidentally, we have an electronic system called Questec which rates umpires on every pitch in every game and they do remarkably well. Base decisions, for the most part, have been excellent. Umpires missing a call once in awhile have been part of our game for years, but I think the umpires overall have done a good job. I think you have to be a little more understanding about that. However, I liked the rest of your letter and all the pictures you drew. I was really impressed.
Thanks for taking the time to write to me.
Sincerely,
Allan H. Selig,
Commissioner of Baseball
Best part: he signed in INK.
I think I’ll keep corresponding with my favorite wrinkly old pen pal in hopes of more gems like this.
What’s in a name?
[ No Comments ] Posted on 08.19.07 in Rays, baseball
If you’re a sports fan like I am, over the course of a season you develop an affection for the players on your favorite team so much that you give them nicknames to prove to everyone that you are, indeed, a die-hard fan. I’ve developed so many nicknames this season that I halfway expect these shortened identities to show up on the back of everyone’s jerseys. This hasn’t happened yet, but as I sit here and hope to God that the Rays can pull out a victory over the Indians, I would like to share with the world what everyone should be called. These nicknames are combinations of Joe Maddon’s overly-friendly monikers, the (sometimes depreciating) names that have evolved over at the forums of raysbb.com, and the nicknames developed over the course of the season by me and my friends. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you nicknames for everyone on the current Rays’ 25 man roster:
Akinori “Aki” Iwamura
Al “El Asasino” Reyes
Andy “Sonny” Sonnenstine
B.J. “Bossman” Upton
Brendan “B-Har” Harris
Brian “Stokesy” Stokes
Carl “C.C.” Crawford
Carlos “C-Pain” Pena
Dan “The Man” Wheeler
Delmon “Delmonster” Young
Dioner “Navi” Navarro
Edwin “EJax” Jackson
Gary “G-Lover” Glover
Grant “Ball Four” Balfour
Greg “Norty” Norton
James “Shieldsy” Shields
Jason “Hammy” Hammel
Joel “Manchild” Guzman
Josh “J.P.” Paul
Josh “J Dub” Wilson
Jon “Switz” Switzer
Jonny “Gomer” Gomes
Juan “The Juice” Salas
Scott “Dohmannator” Dohmann
Scott “Kaz” Kazmir
756
[ No Comments ] Posted on 08.09.07 in baseball, complaints
This is a day late, but I figured it would be necessary to post for all of antiquity. If it ever comes out that Barry Bonds is, indeed, a cheater, liar, and all-around douchenozzle, let it be known that I never supported him, because I know that about a bajillion sportswriters in America are going to flip flop. Heck, the fact that Barry Bonds broke Hank Aaron’s home run record has gotten me rooting for Alex Rodriguez to beat it in a few years – and he’s a Yankee!
And yes, Mother sent me this today. I don’t know who made it, but it is clever nonetheless. I give you Barry’s rookie card:
