Cubbies for a day
[ No Comments ] Posted on 07.31.08 in baseball, music, observations
This past weekend, Ian and I made the trek up to the fine City of Chicago to enjoy a Cubs game and a Jimmy Buffett concert. A few observations:
Every bloody thing in Chicago is named after Mayor Daley or his dad. The Richard M. Daley Building, the Richard J. Daley Center, the Richard M. Daley Public Restroom (A Richard J. Daley Project). You get the idea.
Chicago has public transportation down, man. We took the train from our hotel to Wrigley and back in a snap, all for the low price of two dollars. (I will have to get used to public transportation this coming fall, because I think I’m taking the bus to campus if I can’t find someone to sell me a red parking decal. This is a not-so-subtle hint.)
I felt sort of like a traitor when I clapped for Cubs hits. Oh well, I balanced that out by wearing the right cap:
My cousin Scott is a dirty, funny, old man. He burned a bunch of bootleg and compilation CDs and brought them to Buffett tailgating, where he offered them to old drunk ladies in exchange for a good view of their funbags. I have photos. They are disturbing.
Finally, I think I fill out a coconut bra quite well, don’t you think?
Yes, Indeed, I’m Walkin’
[ 1 Comment ] Posted on 07.20.08 in baseball, observations
So, when a guy gets a walk in baseball, why does he run to first base? It’s called a walk, people. If I were playing, I would take my own sweet time to get to first base, man.
Look: baseball is a special sport because even fat guys can participate. Earning the right to walk anywhere should be their bread and butter. It’s 90 feet of leisure in an otherwise taxing world.
Another post based on my hatred for the Boston Red Sox
[ 3 Comments ] Posted on 05.07.08 in baseball, complaints, letters
Recently, I got a letter from Major League Baseball telling me about the great deals I can get if I subscribe to XM Satellite Radio to listen to every one of my team’s games. That was all well and fine, but the letter itself was from Larry Lucchino, President & CEO of the Boston Red Sox.
Oh dear, you have upset me.
Well, may as well write another letter to yet another Major League Baseball team, right? This is in the mail as we speak. Let’s see if we get a response (I’m still waiting on further correspondence from the Yankees):
Dear Mr. Lucchino,
Hello. Recently, I received in the mail a letter from your office beckoning me to subscribe to XM Satellite Radio such that I may hear broadcasts of the Sox whenever I please. There is a pretty significant issue with your letter, however, in that it begins with the phrase “Dear Red Sox Fan.”
I would like to make it abundantly clear that I am not, never have been, and never will be one of the legion of soulless and spineless bandwagon jumpers that you so eloquently call “fans.” I have never donned a Sox hat, I will never set foot into Fenway Park, and every day when I wake up I sing the praises of Mookie Wilson to the heavens. Quite simply put, I hate the Red Sox more than anything on this planet.
By calling me, a tried and true Tampa Bay Rays fan, by those terrible, terrible words, you have insulted me to no end. Never would I want to be associated with the ignorant Sawx-loving drones that infest the country. I am neither as drunk nor as belligerent as the typical Red Sox fan, and I take pride in my ability to watch a baseball game without spitting on opposing fans, using profanity within earshot of children, or being generally ignorant about the game.
I realize that you yourself had nothing to do with this mass mailing. However, I would like you to let whoever it is that sent me unsolicited mail peddling broadcasts of your team’s games that they are never to send me correspondence from Yawkey Way ever again. Ever.
Shove it up your ass,
Casey A. Peterson
P.S. Sweet Caroline sucks.