Life with Loopy
[ 4 Comments ] Posted on 08.01.05 in observations
The belt is a great invention. It can hold up pants, whip disobedient children, and, if you’re a real handyman in a desperate situation, it can even act as a replacement belt in car engines.
But, as with any seemingly benign thing in the world, with the belt comes a certain degree of risk. The risk is not a particularly catastrophic hazard, but since I’m one of the most socially paranoid people I know (and trust me when I say that I know a lot of people), it can harbor some significant psychological perils.
Of course, I’m talking about the rare happenstance when you miss a belt loop. Sure, if you catch it right away as you’re slipping into your old faded Levis, it’s easily remediable. But if the snafu manages to slip you by and you walk out into public with a pair of inadequately accessorized trousers, you’re bound to be noticed. And when that happens, my friend, what is a boy to do?
Knowing that you missed a belt loop following notification from an outlandishly critical public is just about the most vulnerable feeling in the world. How do you handle it? You could excuse yourself and find a corner in which to reassess your attire, but there’s always that interim period wherein you are completely aware of your shoddy dress, but there’s nothing you can do about it. Then again, you could always just unbuckle then and there and repair the misdoings of earlier in the day, but that has the potential of being ill-received, as the majority of the world does share my standard of etiquette (or lack thereof).
Alas, there is no easy answer. However, if I ever unbuckle my belt near you, please don’t take it the wrong way. I don’t know any better.
Step on it
[ 5 Comments ] Posted on 06.28.05 in food, observations
I think it’s cute when microwavable products have an extra step on the tail end of their preparation directions that reads, “Enjoy.”
And here I was planning to painfully stomach the ravioli that I voluntarily made for my own satisfaction in a manner that resembles a whiny baby mouthing unhappily the pink medicine that is being forced upon him by his mother. Shucks.
Breaking Fast
[ 9 Comments ] Posted on 02.21.05 in food, observations
In the past few weeks, my mother has, much to the urging of my brother, brought back from Publix the various cereals of our childhood.
First, it was Golden Grahams. A cereal that is easily manageable, the flakes had just the proper amount of golden and not too much graham, making for a sustained box lifetime of approximately 23 hours.
Then, she brought home Life. This variation, however, was new: Honey Graham Life. While it sounded appetizing, it came off a bit strong at first taste. I think that this could have been an honest mistake on the part of the honey adder on the production line, I can still assure you that no, Mikey doesn’t like this one.
Last week was my favorite because Mom brought home Smacks. I’ve always been a fan of Honey Smacks. Not just for their sweet taste, but the added perk of flavored residual milk at the bottom of the bowl. Something about that little frog’s cereal is inexplicably wonderful. Plus, it comes in a giant box, allowing many indulgences.
This week, Mom brought us Kix. You know: “Kid Tested, Mother Approved.” I’ve been testing them for a while now and while they certainly are not in contention for the award of best cereal, they hold their own in the whole grain division, barely nudging out Cheerios from the race. They are essentially carbon copies of Cheerios, but Kix have a slight manageability advantage in that due to their largely spherical shape, they float in the milk and one does not have to go fishing for his cereal after a given time of submersion.
That’s been the cereal roster for the last few weeks. This week, I think I’ll lobby for Honeycomb. Or Cookie Crisp. Or Cocoa Puffs. Or Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Or Cap’n Crunch.
Oh God, I can’t decide. It’s times like this I wish I had more than one stomach, like a cow.