Shopping
[ 3 Comments ] Posted on 07.11.04 in bad grammar, complaints
I went grocery shopping with my ole chum Ian for my mother this weekend, and as we romped around the local Publix, I realized that there are a few strange words associated with shopping.
Grocery – Since when did we pronounce the “c” as if it were an “sh?” I say (phonetically) “groshree,” but I can only assume it’s meant to be pronounced “groseree.”
Aisle – Who decided to put an “a” at the beginning of this word? I wasn’t called about it. They didn’t invite me to any U.N. vote on the subject. Did they just assume I would ignore the first letter and not pronounce it “a-iyle” because of the possible homonym clash with Gilligan?
Coupon – Some people pronounce it “coopon.” Others, “C-you-pon.” Me? I go with the former. But the inconsistency of dialect that coupons inspire is enough to irk me nonetheless.
Nothing Left to Say
[ No Comments ] Posted on 07.09.04 in complaints
In the past week, I’ve run into more people I know than ever before. Now that my friends all have jobs and can drive themselves places, my chances of meeting up with them has increased immensely. Not that I want to be antisocial, but I don’t like it. Not at all.
What am I supposed to say to the people I see? We have absolutely nothing to talk about. Usually, the conversation looks like this:
“Hi, how’re you doing? Good. Yeah, how’s the life? Uh, oh yeah – I’m great. No, nothing new since school ended. Yeah. Uh, goodbye.”
So, if I know you and we see each other and it seems like I’m avoiding you, I am. And if we’re forced to talk, let’s keep it short for lack of interesting conversation topic.
My Haircut
[ 2 Comments ] Posted on 06.17.04 in complaints, hair
I broke down last night and got a hair cut. All of them.
Back in the day, when my parents would tell the barber (or, to be politically correct, hairstylist) how to cut my hair, they’d demand a #2 buzz on the side and hair relatively short on the top.
But since this past school year, longer hair has sort of been my thing. So, I told the young lady cutting my hair exactly what I wanted.
“I have grown on the thought of long hair as it has grown on me, so I propose a hair cutting as long as can be without curling. You see, my hair curls at one constant length on each strand. This creates sort of a wave effect, you see. I would like you to find this point, we’ll call it the apex of curlation, and cut roughly 1.5 centimeters below it.”
The young lady looked at me. I looked at her. She had no clue what I was saying.
“Oh, and a #4 on the sides.”
That did it. She didn’t want to play my childish, though thoroughly entertaining games. She started clipping away in an effort to speedily move me out of the local Supercuts.
That’s when it all began.
It started as mere molecules of water nestled within its safe spray bottle. But then the problem built itself up.
She sprayed to the upper left of my head, attempting to wet my hair. And that she did, although a rogue droplet distanced itself from the others that were meant to dampen my follicles. Harmless at first, it crept down my cheek inch by agonizing inch, coming to rest in the middle of my left cheek. And there it stood like an indignant child refusing mother gravity’s demanding grasp. It was there to stay.
Normally, an immobile water droplet wouldn’t be so bad. But in this situation, nothing could save me. Having already irked the hairstylist, I dared not move my arms to my face. She may have cut them off. Then what?
Minute by minute passed, each second becoming longer with the anxiousness built up within. Just then I realized. The young lady was Asian!
“Chinese water torture,” I said to myself. “What a gruesome practice for Supercuts!”
After I surmised this, my hairstylist caught on to the fact that I knew. She had to get me out as soon as possible, before a ruckus came about. She told me I was done, and I paid and left. She must have thought she got off scot-free. Wrong she was, ladies and gentlemen.
Right here, right now, I am proclaiming to the masses on the World Wide Web – Supercuts endorses torture within their properties in these United States!
Let it be known.