Yet Another Post About Taco Bell
[ No Comments ] Posted on 01.07.09 in complaints, food
All right, it’s been about a month since I have complained to the Internet about something trivial that shouldn’t even cross my mind, so here we go. People need to learn how to say “Taco Bell.”
Taco Bell is delicious. And wildly inexpensive. Therefore, it is a popular food choice amongst my peers. However, many of them seem it necessary to put an extra emphasis on the “a” in “taco.”
Listen, folks. It’s just two words. Say, “taco.” Good. Now say, “bell.” All right, now put them together. There is the name of your eating establishment.
It’s not like we’re comparing bells. If I were to say, “Gee, I like the food at Burger Bell, not Taco Bell,” then such an emphasis on the first word would be necessary. But you know what? There is only one bell in my life and it will remain this way for at least the foreseeable future.
Now, if I could just teach people how to properly say “hotel” and “insurance.”
Here’s to You, Chicken Quesadilla Hot Pocket
[ No Comments ] Posted on 02.17.08 in food, letters
Dear people who make Hot Pockets,
Don’t think that your work has gone unnoticed.
When I was knee high to a grasshopper sitting on the children’s seat on the back of my mom’s bike, I knew that I was heading home to a pretty disgusting dinner.
But now, I look forward to the Hot Pocket Experience.
I started eating Hot Pockets regularly when I came to college, in spite of the fact that I have a gigantic kitchen in which I could prepare feasts fit for a king. Back then, Hot Pockets were weird lumps of disgusting dough filled with cheesy God-knows-what. However, in the spring of last year, I went to my local Publix and I was greeted with an amazing thing: instead of boxes with two such disgusting doughy delights, they were now beginning to sell boxes containing five of these things!
Oh, I was in Heaven. Little did I know that Heaven could get even better. Friends, I was about to gain access to Heaven’s champagne room with the discovery that they were now stuffing these things with even more (real) meat.
And who would have known that I could have myself a grand time in the champagne room in Heaven? That’s right – it got even better.
Apparently, they redesigned the crisping sleeve. Now, you can fold the sleeve into a little dinner holster from which you can consume your now-delicious microwavable treat.
So, here’s to you, oh Mavericks of the Microwave. Your efforts haven’t been lost in a sea of gourmet disapproval.
Love,
Casey
I will probably drop dead within a month
[ No Comments ] Posted on 02.03.08 in food, friends, funny stories
Well, somehow my lifestyle as an unhealthy and bored college student has caught up with me and my friends.
Lately, we have been aching for things to do on the weekends. And seeing that we are not particularly interesting or anything, we have had to create fun things to do in the absence of actual social lives. Over break, we were confined to the realm of our hometown, the parent-filled purgatory of any college student. Ergo, we made socially acceptable things to do, most of which involved wandering aimlessly in our local Wal-Marts and ending the evening at Steak n’ Shake.
Now, this is all well and good, but it can get old after about one night spent in the toy aisles, pressing the button that cues the novelty horn on every miniature Dukes of Hazzard General Lee.
So, we’ve come up with a new game: generally, I attempt an absolutely amazing feat and if I can successfully accomplish this, my best buddy Angus has to do something silly.
Last week, I was dared to eat 10 tacos and an order of Nachos Bel Grande from Taco Bell. In return, Angus allowed us to bind his wrists and ankles for the rest of the night. While this sounds lame, I can assure you that it was quite humorous – at least until he had to go to the bathroom and I was the one in charge of removing his pants. If this sounds gay, it’s probably because it is.
Tonight, I was challenged to eat a Frisco Melt platter from Steak n’ Shake in addition to three double cheeseburgers and a large order of fries from McDonald’s.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “You, Casey, are the least healthy person on the face of the planet.”
Yes, I agree. And I regret this. But friends, the payout on this wager was marvelous: Angus Wade Hill was forced to shave his arms and legs.
Petty? Yes.
Silly? Yes.
Hilarious? Unequivocally, yes.
I know that all of this sounds extremely juvenile. However, I think we can all agree that as time progresses and the hilarity of Angus’ payback grows so too will the necessity of this entire process for the sake of physical humor both in Alachua County and our lives.
That said, any thoughts on what next weekend’s challenge should entail? We are running out of ideas.