The Hot Game
[ 3 Comments ] Posted on 06.07.04 in family, funny stories
Hot Game, The.
noun
1 : Game played by traversing long distances by automobile with windows rolled up and heater on its highest setting. Normally played in summer. Players win when the other gives up or dies, depending on the order in which such events transpire.
2 archaic : Title of cheap pornography from the 1970s.Walking Across Hot Places Barefoot Game, The.
noun
1 : Game played by abandoning all footwear and running through paved areas in the hot sun. Normally played in summer. Players win when their opponent’s feet burn off and walking can only be achieved on the left over nubs of melted flesh at the bottoms of the shin.
Ian and I played both of these games today, the Hot Game on our way to and from the beach and the Walking Across Hot Places Barefoot Game (WAHPBG) when we got there. Now we’re predicting that blisters are to form on the bottoms of our feet. Oh well, life goes on.
Adventures of Armando
[ 1 Comment ] Posted on 05.06.04 in family, funny stories
The other night, my grandmother (who is normally the very reserved Southern type) came to the door. I greeted her with, “Hi, grandma, how’re-
“I need your father out here right now.”
Well, so much for friendly hellos. I sent my dad out and, as would be expected, the rest of my family followed. All except me. You see, my family has a tendency to make scenes. Not so much my family as my grandmother. Well, anyway, everyone went out and I was a curious onlooker from the window.
In my grandmother’s car parked in the street, there sat an elderly Latin American man. He looked rather comfortable – we had given him bottled water from the refrigerator in the garage and he just sat there, talking with my brother.
His name was Armando.
He was from Cuba.
He didn’t speak English.
And he forgot where he lived.
Somehow, in my grandmother’s mind, an inclination to talk to this fellow spurted up and here he was. We called the police and soon an officer came.
She was the most beautiful police officer I have ever seen. I forget her name, but I’m sure it was sexy. There’s just something about a woman with a gun in uniform that strikes me as, well, awesome.
She came and went, as did Armando. I miss them both. I hope they’re okay.
———-
In other news, some freshman thanked me for that Web site for English vocabulary lists I made last year. I had forgotten about that, so I went to check out the site. Being a 2-year old Geocities site, it’s riddled with pop-ups, so I moved all the files here as a final resting place. That should take care of things.
Flea Market
[ 4 Comments ] Posted on 03.02.04 in awesomeness, family
I went to the Flea Market yesterday with my brother’s girlfriend and my mother only because I found it to be too beautiful a day to waste. After riding to Oldsmar and taking ten minutes to park, we got out and ventured into the world of the flea. After demanding that we walk every aisle and see every store (including the aptly named Sock Shop), I have come to a conclusion: The flea market is the greatest thing on earth. Ever.
Sure, it’s dirty. Sure, all it is is a bunch of guys named Cletus selling their crap. And sure, the mere notion that anyone would buy lingerie from such a place is appalling. But without the funnel cake induced sugar stupor that inexplicably takes over the spirit of all the slack-jawed yokels that mindlessly wander the premises arguing and saying “No, we’ve already been down that aisle,” America just wouldn’t be the same. No bargain basement used country music CDs. No really, really, ridiculously cheap knockoff sunglasses. No vintage Nascar paraphernalia. Life as we know it would be worse off.
Anywho, I also went to the Hospice store and bought a couple of shirts, one of which is red and looks like this:
Hah. Too bad it’s way too small for me.